RagHag Diva

Dissecting all the weekly trash celebrity magazines so YOU don't have to!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Predictions! (And an Essay re: Privacy??)

So there will be a lot of coverage on the DemEEE Moore/Ashton Kutcher wedding, and I predict at least one magazine, I'm thinking Star, will report as fact that there was no wedding at all.

There are rumors going around that the whole "wedding" was a prank for Ashton's "Punk'd" television show on MTV.

See, no one will confirm that a wedding actually took place. And E! reported that an email is going around from Ash's friend and co-producer (Jason Goldberg, who is married to Punky Brewster Soleil Moon Frye who also just had a baby girl they named POET - w.e.) that states the wedding is a hoax for the show. Of course, that e-mail could be a fake too. So many layers!

Liz Smith analyzed the reasoning behind celebrities withholding facts from the media in an interesting article that was published in the Sept. 29th New York Post. She basically said that the celebrity publicists are control freaks and have decided to not comment on anything. It is sort of stupid to not acknowledge stuff that's gonna be eventually discovered anyway. Celebrities say it's for privacy reasons, but that's bullshit. They didn't go into the entertainment business because they wanted to live a private, unexamined life. (Yeah yeah, spare me about your "craft" and your "art" when you're doing a movie based on a video game, oh Mr./Ms. Important Actor/Actress sitting your ass on James Lipton's stage talking about your method.)

Could it be that the reason celebrities don't confirm that they are dating (Brad and Angie) or married (Demi and Ashton, JLo and Marc) or pregnant (Jen and Ben, Britney and K-Fed) is they know they will generate MORE publicity and speculation by not saying anything at all?

It's an interesting dichotomy - if you want attention in this industry, withhold information.

But aren't celebrities taking this too far? I mean - come on: Jennifer Garner is six or seven months pregnant, and she walks the Emmy's red carpet without her husband Ben Affleck at her side. You know, there was a time in Hollywood where it would be scandalous if a pregnant star attended a red-carpet event without her husband by her side, holding her arm and protecting her should she get the vapors.

And I know it's a new century and we're progressive and all that, but it really bugged me to see her waddling the photog line without her husband - he should be proud to support her. Must he hide so there are no official pictures out there? Brad Pitt always showed up with Jen Aniston, even though he's SO movie star and she's SO TV. And as we are all well aware, Jen wasn't even pregnant! And there are going to be pictures anyway. Go ahead and pose! Y'all make a nice looking couple.

It's strange. Celebrities either give too much information, like Ben did with his former fiancee Jennifer Lopez, and get too much attention which quickly becomes information overload which then leads to career suicide. Or, they give out no information, like Ben and current wife Jennifer Garner, and get too much attention which will quickly become information overload and which will lead to career suicide.

So if celebrities really want their privacy, the key, it seems to me, would be moderation. Don't give the whole cow, but give a little milk now and then. Live your life, Demi and Ashton - don't go to extremes to hide shit, and don't go to extremes to announce it. Your public will admire you for it. Same for you, Ben and Jen. I understand you're a little gun-shy because of your ex and all, Ben - but come on. Just live your life and for christ's sake, if your super-pregnant wife is walking down a red carpet be there with her in case she stumbles.

But Brad and Angie - keep yourselves holed up for a while. I don't think I can deal with your righteous save-the-world crap so soon after your tacky destroying-a-marriage fiasco.

And now, back to our original subject matter - PREDICTIONS.

Rumors on the internet swirling that Gwyneth Paltrow is knocked up again. Everyone's having fun guessing the name of this one. I like "Orange" - then the younger sib won't feel the need to compete with Apple - cuz there's no comparing the two. HAHAHAHAHA!

I think Britney and her crew are pissed that Renne's annulment news stole her baby thunder, so expect more nauseating pieces on THAT trainwreck. There will be at least one post partum story and I heard on David Spade's show that she's going around saying she ain't never gonna have no baby again. Yeah, right honey. Once the babyness is gone from this one and you realize that this little adorable helpless thing becomes an autonomous, free-thinking person (and the 'thinking' part is debatable with the gene pool this kid's working with), you'll get yourself all knocked up again, sweetheart.

And the latest Angelina/Brad news is they went to the grocery store together in Canada. See what I'm saying? Not that I want these two to be public - but if they were, I bet we wouldn't give a shit about their grocery visits. Nah. We probably would. Whatever - Brad and Angie are screwed either way. If they REALLY want privacy they'll quit acting and move to Borneo. Brad can design an enviromentally-conscious yurt using all his architectural hobby skills and all of them can live privately ever after. Adopt as many children as you can - one from every country! And gather berries and non-poisonous plants and eat with silverware made from naturally-fallen branches. But if they're gonna stay in this society, they should just admit what everyone already knows already. And THEN they can save the world! Together!!!!!

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