RagHag Diva

Dissecting all the weekly trash celebrity magazines so YOU don't have to!

Monday, September 26, 2005

You Had Me at Goodbye...

Again my prediction comes through. The story of the week is the Renee Zellweger/Kenny Chesney breakup. Here's a breakdown of the lowdown:

Star: They barely knew each other, the only spent 15 days together before getting married, blah blah blah. They focus mainly on why they got married in the first place - REBOUND. Everyone who reads this trash knows that Renee was with Jack "I'm a Freak" White, lead singer of Detroit-based band The White Stripes, for two years and broke up something like 14 minutes before she started dating Kenny Boy. But according to Star, Kenny was ALSO on the rebound. Kenny was dating 25 year old real estate agent Allison Stewart for three years, "breaking up not long before his wedding to Renee Zellweger in May." That dirty two-timing dog! Anyway, she dumped him, and they married each other to show their exes that see! someone CAN love them!

No mention of the gay theory - but they do report that Kenny stayed at "The We Care Spa" for four days prior to Renee's annulment filing, and that he was "friendly" with some (female) model who was also there. This SCREAMS publicist plant to me. And what a horrible name for a spa. There's something so desperate about it.

People: They barely knew each other, high-speed courtship, frequent long-distance separations, blah blah blah. Also, Kenny is in love with love, says one friend. And they spent more time together than people realized, "at least in the beginning". Kenny didn't like the fact that his new bride was a mega superstar, and wasn't used to paparazzi and higher security levels. But their love was real. No mention of the gay theory.

Life&Style: They barely knew each other, high-speed courtship, doomed before it started, blah blah blah. Ah, but here's an interesting quote. "She thinks Kenny used her for publicity and to bolster his own image," a longtime Renee friend said, "and it really has improved his career." No mention of the gay theory, though! I'm starting to think all that chatter on the Internet is misguided!

Us: They barely knew each other, high-speed courtship, Dr. Phil correctly predicted 4 months, blah blah blah. Seems like Kenny played the romantic prince in the beginning, but dropped that role as soon as they were legally bound unto onest another. And they imply that Renee turned into a countrified Stepford Wife - someone from HER camp said that in May, when they got married, she was "speaking with a southern twang." Creepy. Another of HER friends says she just married him because she was trying to beat Jack "I'm a Freak" White to the altar (Jack "I'm a Freak" White married HIS rebound just 23 days after Renee married hers). Sheesh. I say she married him cuz she has such shitty friends. With friends like these... Anyway, no mention of the gay theory. Hmmm.....

In Touch: They barely knew each other, high-speed courtship, he could be gay, blah bla - WAIT! Ding Ding Ding! The Gay Theory appears. To quote Gene Hackman in "The Birdcage": I felt like I was inSANE. Here's the mention:

Some - including Cleveland Plain Dealer columnist Chuck Yarborough - have even gone so far as to address a persistent rumor that Kenny is gay. But his rep tells In Touch: "Kenny is not gay. He doesn't want to judge anyone or their lifestyle, but the fact is that he is 100 percent straight."

So they are pulling their strategy right out of the Seinfeld episode, "The Outing." Clever, Mr. Kenny Chesney's rep. But dost protest too much, Mr. Kenny Chesney's rep? The comment that tips me off that this is a huge cover up is the "100 percent straight" part. That's what all the baby daddies say on Maury and most of the time, they ARE the father.

Phew - so, we will have to wait for The Smoking Gun to unearth these annulment papers to find out the real truth about this pesky "fraud" comment. Until then, I'll keep reporting on what each of their publicists are planting to the weekly rags!


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