The REAL reason for Mike Myers breakup?

I said it was kids, or lack thereof. MonicaHarmonica insisted MM cheated.

Well, MonicaHarmonica could be right.

What's he doing at a Lucky Burger on Christmas Day with Eliza Dushku, who I may add, was born in the 80's?

That sucks. I don't know why I assumed Mike Myers was different from every other man. But what can you expect from the guy who came up with Austin Powers.

Well, THIS is tacky

Tori Spelling got engaged to her new boyfriend a mere months after her husband filed for divorce.

Now a few months ago I was giving Tori props for being honest about rushing into her marriage too quickly. But I will have to recant that posting. For it seems the girl hasn't learned.

As for other holiday nuptual news, Billy Bob's ex, Laura Dern, married her babies' daddy, Ben Harper. That's babies as in plural, as in two. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I'm sure Laura was unwilling to commit too quickly, since the last time she was engaged, she came back from working on a film and her fiance had gone off and married Angelina Jolie.

Mike Myers and his wife Robin chose these times to file for divorce. This one bums me out. I liked this couple. In all the interviews I saw of him, he always spoke so lovingly of his wife. You got the sense they were genuine friends as well as spouses. They were married for 12 years. I'm sure her mother, Linda Richman, is appropraitely verklempt.

And that's the latest coupling news!

Leo McGarry Died

John Spencer, the actor who played Leo McGarry on The West Wing, died today.

Talk about art imitating life. Leo McGarry was a recovering alcoholic who suffered a major heart attack at Camp David during the whole Israeli-Palestine peace story line.

John Spencer was also a recovering alcoholic who suffered a major heart attack. But not at Camp David.

The difference being - Leo survived and was invited to join the new Santos campaign as the VP.

John didn't survive his heart attack. It's all very sad. He was a fantastic actor. That heart attack scene just about did me in.

He will be missed.

Makin' it Final

Jessica Simpson filed for divorce from her husband Nick Lachey today.

Call me cynical - but I believe this is just another pr step to make her look like the victim. Press has started turning against her, when the New York Post suggested that she had an affair with the lead singer of Maroon 5. I believe it. She obviously has a hankerin' for guys in pop bands with numerals in their name.

So I think her people, i.e. her gross father, suggested that she go ahead and file papers first - so it looks as if he did something awful and she is forced to file for the split.

In a related story, sister Ashlee (dude, it's spelled AshlEY! She may as well spell it AshLeigh) collapsed at a Tokyo concert. No doubt another case of "exhaustion". I'm telling you - getting up on stage and lip-synching is hard work, people.

Wouldn't it be great if she collapsed because the truth about Nick and big sis Jessica's break-up was that he had an affair with sister Ashlee? Now THAT's a Maury show!

WhatEVeh! I can do what I want!

In the Totally NOT Shocking Category....

Colin Farrell's in rehab. Again.

He checked himself in to treat his penchant for painkillers. Oh, and he's exhausted.

Dude what is up with these actors who are so tired all the time? I mean, it's not the most strenuous job in the world. I hear it's a lot of standing around and waiting for the shot to be set. I mean, I suppose that could be tiring - standing around all day - but I'm pretty certain the big stars get a chair to sit in. One that even has their name on it.

Lindsay Lohan was exhausted too. So exhausted that she missed her appointment with Regis and Kelly. Now I understand missing a scheduled appointment. I've slept thru dental appointments, hair appointments - even my new baby's pediatrician appointment once. But those appointments weren't televised. And the show is called "LIVE with Regis and Kelly" Uh, if she didn't show up, they were gonna notice.

Jessica Simpson was exhausted a little bit ago while in Chicago filming an Oprah bit. Nicole Richie is exhausted, according to her dad, and that's why she's so skinny. Hillary Duff is taking a month off because she's exhausted.

Man - it must be hard work being a celebrity. Kind of like a construction worker. Or a commercial fisherman.

Since I've been gone.........

You can breathe for the first time. You're so moving on, Yeah, Yeah.

Oh sorry. Slipped into a Kelly Clarkson song. Dude, it's easy to do.

Well, I've been remiss in my postings. I apologize. It's not that stuff hasn't been happening. I've just let my own life get in the way of what is important - the lives of our revered celebrities!

So here's a quick synopsis of what's been going down:

1. Ben and Jen had their baby on December 1. Her name is Violet Anne (with an "e" - my favorite way to spell it) and came in at 6 lbs, 14 oz.

2. Matt Damon got married to girlfriend Luciana Bozan. Dude, did this chick win the lottery or what? She's working as a bartender, happens to meet Matt Damon, who takes a liking to her, and BAM - she's set for life. Oh, and she also has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship. LOTTERY! Oh, and she's pregnant again. LOT-TER-RY. It's like the Super Lotto. The MegaBall.

3. Nicole Kidman looks to be getting married to country star Keith Urban. Oh, and she might be pregnant. But what I find interesting is that no one talks much about the country star's past CRACK COCAINE habit. Oh well, I guess bygones are bygones. Besides, she's getting a downright stud. (Scroll down to see just how studly he is.) Obviously, he was on crack when he allowed these pics to be taken.

4. Nicole Richie and DJ AM broke up. WHYYYYYYYYYY? WHY GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYY? Some say it's cuz she's getting too skinny. And she IS! But DJ AM used to be huge! He got the gastric bypass and now is all skinny himself. So who knows. All I know is I'm staying indoors and wearing black until I hear that these kids have gotten back together.

5. Tom and KatE are having a boy. 100 bucks they name him L.Ron.

Well, I know more stuff happened. I'll try to post at least an item a day so we don't get behind again, ok kids?

In the meantime, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Nicole Richie? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Jessica and Nick - the REAL story, please?

So I was planning on reporting all the differences in this week's rags regarding the breakup of reality power couple Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.

Problem is, they all reported the same story.

Jessica wanted Nick to spend Thanksgiving with the Simpson clan in Texas. Two days before the trip, he bailed, wanting to hang in LA with his brother and friends. She said that's cool - I'll hang with you. He said, that's okay - you don't have to. She realized the marriage was over. She dumped him.

This is so shady. I'm pretty sure Nick didn't know the announcement was coming the day before Thanksgiving for a reason. Simpson's people wanted first crack at the weekly mags in order to get their spin out there. Nick has been a trooper during this whole marriage fiasco. I'm sure he finally said enough of the bullshit, it's over.

But Jessica can't be the one who was dumped. So her people probably told him they would announce it together at a later date - and then boom - dropped the bomb.

Nick should hit the talk show circuit - maybe an exclusive with Diane Sawyer - and explain what really went on in this relationship. Tell the truth about her creepy, overly involved father. Explain that all he wanted was to live a life with the woman he fell in love with - and instead the marriage was turned into a product to make more money for Joe Simpson.

Fortunately for Nick, Jessica was naive and innocent when they first married and insisted that there be no prenup. Her career skyrocketed, and now he's entitled to half. Which he should definitely get. She would be nowhere without her marriage to Nick - that's what set her apart from all the other blond semi-talented pop singers.

Mark my words. Nick will end up the winner in this game.

Lost? Maybe. Drunk? Definitely

Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros, actresses on the best show ever "Lost", were busted within 15 minutes of each other for drunk driving.

Now I know who Michelle Rodriguez is. She's that bitch Ana Lucia - man, do I hate her. Who the hell does she think she is? Little Miss Badass? Bitch.

But who is Cynthia? She plays Libby. Is she the blond woman from the back of the plane? Time to do a little research......

Yep.

Seriously, if you're not watching this show, go buy Season One, then download Season Two and don't leave your house until you're finished. My friends Mr. and Mrs. Breedorf did just that recently and have admitted their lives are better for it.

Bennifer, Part Two, Plus One

Jennifer Garner popped.

Wow. That looks like "pooped". I'm sure she did that too - hopefully not on the delivery table. Hey, it happens.

It's a girl - which we knew cuz Jen accidently told the world on Leno when she referred to the baby as a "she". And we don't know the name, but the magazines are reportedly predicting it to be Violet.

I like this little family unit. Congrats to all!