RagHag Diva

Dissecting all the weekly trash celebrity magazines so YOU don't have to!

Monday, February 06, 2006

RagHag Roundup

Let's just get to what is undoubtedly on your mind this morning?

Who is Jessica Simpson's new man?

Us has her plastered on the cover, with the headline "HER NEW MAN IS..."

I know you have seen the cover at the grocery store and you were tempted to flip through it - maybe even buy it. But then you remembered - RagHag will do it for me. No need for the embarrassment I'll feel when the checkout lady judges me.

Well, no fear - here it is: her new man IS... well, they don't know.

Seems that Jessica went to the hot celeb hotel Chateau Marmont at 1:15am on January 24, and didn't leave until 10am the next morning. And waiting photographers managed to snap a photo of her looking disheveled, wearing a man's button down shirt over the jeans she wore the night before. This is a classic example of - dum DUM dummmmm... the Walk of Shame.

So who's shirt was she wearing? Well, the people at Us don't know for sure, but they do note that Adam Levine, lead singer of the band Maroon 5, was staying at the hotel at the time.

I'm pretty sure it was him she was "visiting". She has a thing for singers in bands with numbers in their names.

As for other news - it was again pretty boring - the good gossip came out after the rags were published. One story that was in all of them - Madonna went out without her wedding right. And we all know what that means.

So after the mags went to print, it was announced that Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong broke up. Thank god. Maybe he'll go back to his wife. He seems like a total and complete asshole, doesn't he? And Sheryl - talk about unlucky in love. But I say she deserves it - only because she recently came out saying that she doesn't believe in plastic surgery and could never go under the knife. Well it's so clear that she has had tons of work done. I hate that shit.

But don't take my word - judge for yourself:

Check out this before

and this one

and this one.

And now check out the after.

and after.

and once again, after.

My gaydar may be off every once in a while. But my plastic-surgery-dar is spot on. It's all in the nose.

Okay - there's not much left to report - except Grandpa Munster died. As far as any other news in the rags this week - Gynneth Paltrow is having a boy... or a girl. Britney's pregnant again, or she's just fat. And Angelina and Brad are fighting... or are completely in love.

Same ole same ole.

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