RagHag Diva

Dissecting all the weekly trash celebrity magazines so YOU don't have to!

Monday, February 20, 2006

RagHag Roundup

Ok - so I took last week off. I know - I'm horrible. It was a long week - so let's just get back on the horse and ride, shall we?

So People had Britney "Car Seat" Spears on the cover with the headline "Britney SPEAKS HER MIND". This should take all of five minutes. Actually, we'd probably have a couple minutes to spare, huh?

I read it. People pisses me off sometimes. I mean, I love it - and have loved it for almost 2 decades. But they are like the Larry King of celebrity magazines. All softballs, all the time. There's nothing new to report here - she loves her baby and as unfortunate as the car seat situation was for her and her family, "if it brings more attention to child safety then I fully support that."

Uh, the only thing that's causing danger to your kid, Brit, is you.

Okay - so Us and In Touch has Jessica Simpson sleeping with the guy from Maroon 5 (before she was separated, mind you), while Star has her waking up neighbors with amorous calls of desire with Jude Law. Dude, didn't you know there was a hidden naughty bad dirty girl underneath that bible-thumping virgin persona? Oh, and Nick is dating some pageant chick with big knockers. At least he hasn't changed since the break-up.

Brangelina was in Paris over Valentine's Day and they were photographed in various stages of familial bliss - Brad and Maddox playing with remote controlled cars while Angie looked on, smiling. Brad wrapping his arms around Angie on a cold day. The whole family sitting down to eat in a cafe, Brad giving Zahara a bottle.

Here's my problem with Brad Pitt. Why is it he has to change his appearance to look like his girlfriend? He and Gwyneth had the same haircut when she was filming Sliding Doors. He had the same exact highlights and shade of tan as Jen when they got married. And now, his hair is dark brown, his skin is pasty white, and his clothes are all pitch black.

I think we could read a lot into this. He probably doesn't have much of an identity on his own. He really has never been alone, has he? He tends to go from girlfriend to girlfriend. I know everyone talks about how insecure Jen is, and I'm certain she is, but I think Brad is equally as unsure.

Okay, enough about that. I know you're dying to know why Heather Locklear and Ricky Sambora are breaking up. No? Well I'll tell you anyway - turns out that Ricky had an assistant that wanted to help him with more than just his dry cleaning, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. So Heather said, Fire her! Which he did. But she didn't take no for an answer, and Heather stumbled across a recent email Ricky got that contained jpegs of said assistant minus clothes. Hence, divorce.

It's so Jude Law circa 2005.

So the Canadian figure skaters that got the silver in Salt Lake when they totally should have gotten the gold, then got the gold when it was revealed that the judges were in cahoots with each other so everyone was happy - remember? Anyway, they got married.

Speaking of figure skating, did anyone catch the ice dancing last night? Dude - they were falling all over the place - dropping like flies. Mr. Diva won't watch figure skating because he hates watching when they fall - he gets all embarrassed for them. So I got him to watch last night, saying "It's ice dancing. They don't even do any jumps." HAHAHAHAHA! Whoops. Good news tho - Mr. Diva is now desensitized to all falling skaters, so I can watch on the good TV the rest of the Olympics. Hooray!

Okay - I'm off to prepare for tonight's events.


Blogger Mrs. Breedorf said...

Hm. I don't think Heather is being fair to Ricky. If someone were to send me photos of his/her nekkid self, I'd be upset if Mr. Breedorf divorced me over it. You know? (I can't help that I'm so HOTTT.)

Also: YAY! You're back!

9:58 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Breedorf said...

Okay, so I just have to say something else. You know the italian ice dancers? The ones yesterday with the fall and the glare and today with all the no speaking and separate practicing only to culminate in a great performance and him with lipstick all over his forehead? I think they were just acting with the frostiness today so they could have the public drama of the make-up skate.

10:57 PM  
Anonymous Nuwanda Girl said...

Don't you think one day Bradd Pit is going to wake up in Ethiopia swatting flies from his dyed coif and saying to himself "what am I doing here when I could be hanging with George Clooney at his villa on Lake Como???"...and be all "see ya Angie". I hope not but it COULD happen.

9:33 AM  

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