RagHag Diva

Dissecting all the weekly trash celebrity magazines so YOU don't have to!

Monday, July 31, 2006

Mel Gibson Hates the Jews, Loves the Sauce

Wow. Mel Gibson is in TROUBLE!

Pulled over for drunk driving. Saying crazy shit about the Jews.

What do you think? Is his career over?

The best source to follow this story is definitely tmz.com - they even have a video clip of a PSA Gibson did for the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, and clips from his interview with Diane Sawyer where he says it's against his religion to be anti-semitic and he used to drive drunk, but that's when he was stupid.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Waxy Baby

This pic was out yesterday, and I was going to write about it then, but it was just too disturbing.

After twisting and turning all night with visions of the wax family in my head, I decided I should just get it out there and hopefully excise it from my brain.

Another So-Called Suri Sighting

Tom Cruise has paid yet another "celebrity" to rave about his "child", Suri.

Jada Pinkett Smith has seen the imaginary child twice, and calls her "gorgeous" and "Daddy's little girl."

Whatever. I'm not taking the word of someone who got her start on the "Cosby Show" spinoff "A Different World." Now if it were Dwayne Wayne saying it, then maybe. But tomboy Lena James? Sorry. Try again.

Besides, look at her. She used to be a beautiful woman. She's obviously gone over the deep end, never to return. We're gonna believe this person?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Tori Gets Screwed

Out of the $500 million fortune her father left behind, Tori Spelling gets less than $1 million.

She better start cutting coupons. Hitting the Wal-Mart. Selling her plasma.

Lance is OUT!

Lance Bass told People that he is gay, and in a long-term relationship with Reichen Lehmkuhl, who won The Amazing Race a few seasons ago.

Lance, I just want to tell you how happy I am for you. First of all, great choice going with People to disclose your news. You know the rags very well, obviously. If it's in People, it's true.

Second, great choice in a boyfriend. That Reichen is h-o-t HOT.

Third, you always were my favorite 'N Syncer. I even saw your movie, On The Line. I had a little crush on you - totally thought you were hot. I should have known then that you were gay. I always fall for the gay ones.

Fourth, and most importantly, I'm so glad you said this:

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed — that's the one thing I went to say. I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."

You will be even happier now that you don't have to hide who you are. You're gonna thrive, baby!

Mazel Tov!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

"I'm Sorry I'm a Dirty Dog Pervert!"

Peter Cook apologized to Christie Brinkley through his lawyer to NYPost's Cindy Adams.

"I love my wife. I have loved her since the day I met her. Please . . . I love her."

That's why he banged his 19 year old assistant, plus a couple other teenage girls. Cuz he loves his wife.

Then he said,
"For a lifetime I've tried to prove how much I love her. This is an aberration."

Aberration? He's been chasing after the girl since she was 17. And I like how he says he's been trying to prove how much he loves Christie. Like someone she has insecurities and trust issues and so he had to go have sex with teenage girls.

If she goes back to him, she's insane.

Monday, July 24, 2006

RagHag Roundup: Star Gets it Wrong! (Again)

Star Magazine yet again published totally incorrect information as if it were fact.

P. 15 - Couples News

ON! Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro

Carmen Electra, 34, and Dave Navarro, 39, are going strong despite rumors. In fact, the sexy actress tells Star that she "would like to have a baby in 2008. It's a huge commitment, and I want to enjoy being married for a little bit first."

Uh, enjoy being married to whom, Carmen? Cuz we all know you put your "career" ahead of spending time with your husband.

RagHag Roundup: Nicole Richie Shopped Til She Dropped

Oh man - I was SO CLOSE to witnessing this in person.

So Nicole Richie fainted while shopping at Kitson on July 15th.

I was there July 14th! Damn it to hell! All I got was a glimpse Brittany Murphy!

She was browsing and BAM! Hit the floor. The staff offered her food, to which she shouted an ambiguous "NO!" but did accept a glass of calorie-free water. 20 minutes later, she was good as new.

Okay - maybe that's optimistic. How about this: 20 minutes later, she was upright on her matchstick legs and fairly mobile, considering her complete lack of muscle tone.

RagHag Roundup: Lance May As Well Wear a Suit of Rainbow Flags

In Star's Sightings column, page 39:

Former *NSYNC boy bander Lance Bass and three guy friends howling and clapping at comedian Kathy Griffin's gay-joke-filled stand-up show at the Wiltern Theater in L.A. on July 13.

Kathy, Lance Bass is one of your gays! This is HUGE - you must capitalize on this. I mean, come on - he may as well officially come out of the closet.

"Three guy friends"! LMAO!

RagHag Roundup: If it Weren't for my Pension, I'd Kick Your Ass!

So remember how I mentioned that the uber-beautiful Christie Brinkley is getting a divorce from her equally white-toothed husband, Peter Cook? You've probably heard the reason: teen sex.

Her husband is a perv/typical man who decided to cheat on his 52 year old wife with a 19 year old girl. And how did Christie find out? According to People, the girl's stepfather approached the couple after Christie's commencement address at Southampton High School and told her.

The girl's stepfather, Brian Platt is a Southampton Village police office, and according to Life&Style, he said to Cook, in front of Brinkley, "If I weren't worried about my pension, you'd be a dead man."

Damn you, pension! [shaking fist to the air]

Hey Brian - it's called civil litigation. You won't have to worry about your pension, dude.

RagHag Roundup: What's Wrong with Baby Suri

I have to give props to Star for coming up with the best headline of the week:

"What's Wrong with Baby Suri - & Why is Katie Hiding Her?"

Doesn't it give you chills??? Elephant Baby!!

So you get to the story, and a bunch of it discusses Katie's brushes with stalkercrazies, and that's why we haven't seen Suri. But then, in a little sidebar, another reason is given - one I haven't thought about and one that could make sense.

Their "experts" have surmised that there is nothing seriously wrong with Suri cuz if there was, she would have to have gone to a hospital at some point, and there aren't any sighting of her there (uh, I guess their "experts" have never heard of doctor-patient confidentiality). So what they think is that Suri never got immunizations - Scientologists don't believe in protecting against whooping cough - and they could be keeping her out of the public in order for her immune system to strengthen before being exposed to the outside world.

So this is a pretty good explanation, right? One that could hold water. But then why, if Leah Remini is such a good Scientologist that she was the 'chosen one' to view Suri, why then would she pose with her newborn for the cover of any rag that would have her? Why, Leah? Why? Do you want your baby to catch polio? Or are you like a fair-weather Scientologist and went ahead and got the shots? Only a Scientologist while it's convenient, like when you're asked by Tom Cruise to lie to the world about holding his "baby"?

(By the way - that is not, I repeat NOT, a picture of Suri with Leah Remini. That's her own baby, the one with either the immunizations or bacterial meningitis.)

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Britney Gets a New Manny

This one isn't as high school quarterbackie as the last one, but he's WAY better than K-Fed.

Course, that ain't much of a compliment. I mean, most homeless guys have a leg up on Federline.

Britney could actually be cute here, if her strap wasn't hanging off her shoulder. Poor thing - she just can't get her shit together.

THIS is Ashlee Simpson??

Check out this pic from People.com.

She totally doesn't look like herself. I mean, she looks tons better, cuz let's be honest, she was kind of a dog. But it's really weird - now she doesn't look like anything.

It freaking me out, to be honest. She looks like a second-tier host on Extra!

Semi-Famous Scientologist Claims She Saw Suri

Leah Remini says she saw Suri.

"She's a beaming baby. She looks like Tom and Katie. She's just beautiful," the King of Queens 'star' told People.


Those Scientologists will say anything to support the lies that are told. That's what the "religion" is all about. Holds no water with me.

None of us will be satisfied until we see the kid. Am I right, people??

If You're In L.A., Get Off the Roads NOW

There were two celebrity car crashes yesterday!

Remember the creepy kid that saw dead people in "The Sixth Sense"? Haley Joel Osment, that's the name. Anyway, he was on his way home early Thursday and crashed his car into a brick pillar and flipped it.

You would think a movie star, albeit a child movie star, would have a nice ride, right? Like a Beemer, or a Mercedes. Well, Haley Joel chose to go a different route - he has (I mean had) a stylish, hip 1995 Saturn.

He was driving alone and is still in the hospital, but his current condition is unclear.

The other crash involved a Baldwin - Daniel Baldwin, to be exact, and he was driving all crazy in his RENTED Ford Thunderbird, going over 80 mph in traffic, running a red light, and finally crashing into two parked cars, one being a Hummer.

He had a woman in the car with him, who remains unidentified, but PerezHilton is guessing it was a hooker. He's probably right on with this prediction.

So the actor who once starred in the blockbuster "Attack of the 50-Foot Woman" was detained and charged with a misdemeanor, before heading to the hosiptal with "back and neck pain" (i.e. code for 'give me Vicodin').

Danny Boy was arrested in April for cocaine possession. I have a feeling that drugs could have possibily played a part in all this.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Another Mrs. Ritchie

Pamela Anderson will join Madonna in becoming a Mrs. Ritchie.

Mrs. Bob Ritchie aka Mrs. Kid Rock.

She confirmed the rumors on her website.

There's a strange dig at the end of her otherwise romantic and love-filled entry:

"Wounds will heal. Some people may never grow up. Actions speak louder than words....watch!"

WTF is up with that? Anyway, with the exception of that silver-tongued statement, she sounds happy, - and it's true, Bob's been waiting around for years for her to wake up and realize that the kid from suburban Detroit is her One True Love.

I'm kind of rooting for them, even though I'm also giving it 6 weeks.

Monday, July 17, 2006

I believe I Predicted THIS Ages Ago...

... but I don't even care enough to scroll back in the archives to confirm such prediction.

Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra are divorcing.

Just more evidence that reality show marriages don't last.

PerezHilton is reporting that they've been separated for over five months, and that Dave is seeing someone else, a 'socialite' named Sarah Howard.

How does one become a socialite, anyway? Is there a master's program in that somewhere, cuz if there is, sign me UP.

Anyway, I'm on Team Navarro with this one, but only because I saw him on "I Love the 90s" and he is a HUGE 90210 fan. I was won over, despite his weird facial hair.

RagHag Goes to Hollywood

On Friday, the entire Diva family decided it would be fun to go to the source of my rants - Hollywood, C.A.

If we were thinking clearly, we probably wouldn't have chosen Friday to go. Why? Well, traffic is as bad as everyone says it is in and around L.A. and on a Friday, it's particularily shitty. In theory, it should have taken us 90 minutes to get there. it took 2 hours and 15 minutes. Not bad, considering it took 3+ hours to get home. Also, there's this heatwave thing happening all over the country (except, as our weatherperson keeps reminding us, in our former hometown of Seattle, where it's a perfect 71 degrees) so it was 95 degrees. Yep, only 3 degrees more and we would have been a walking Nick Lachey band.

My above complaints should be a tipoff to you readers that, although I love reading about Hollywood and making fun of Hollywood, I am so not Hollywood. Hollywood hipsters would not complain about old-lady topics such as traffic and weather. I'm much better suited in a surburban Starbucks sippin down Frappachinos before heading of to Target.

So we first go to Rodeo Drive and I tell Mr. Diva to not even park, because a. it's torture to go into stores with beautiful clothes that I could never afford; and b. the only people walking around there were tourists in capri pants and flip flops taking pictures of themselves under the Rodeo Dr. street sign.

So we instead went to Robertson Blvd, where all the shops that are written up in the rags are located - Kitson, Lisa Kline, Ghost and of course, paparazzi-central: The Ivy.

After figuring out we were on the wrong side of Robertson (we were south of Wilshire - which really has just a bunch of antique shops and nail salons) we made it to our destination - Hollywood Heaven. We found a spot right on Robertson and scoped out the scene. Then, after strapping Baby Diva on Mr. Diva's back, we headed to Kitson.

Kitson was a really weird experience. I thought it would be, I don't know, nicer, I guess is the word I'm looking for. As I told Nuwanda Girl - it reminded me of Urban Outfitters, but more crowded and less organized. The clothing there wasn't inexpensive, but it was cheap. The lighting was bright and garish. The music was loud and typical of what you would expect from a store that screams "We're so fucking hip we can't even stand ourselves." The clientele was young, thin Paris Hilton wanna-be's. The Diva family stuck out like a big fat red oozing pimple on otherwise flawless skin.

So I started flipping through the racks, and Mr. Diva whispers to me, "First Sighting! First Sighting!"

"Who?" I say thru clenched teeth, looking as inconspicuous as possible."

"Brittany Murphy, to my left."

I turn and see no one except a mob of anorexics and a young male paparazzo looking rather bored.

"Now to your left," he mutters again.

I turn and see, Brittany Murphy.

I know, on the celebrity richter scale, she's about a 3.7. But I loved her in Clueless. Too bad she has no resemblance to that person anymore.

She is really, really, really tiny. But her head is huge. A balloon on a string, NG said. Exactly. A Bobblehead.

But the weirdest thing about her is by far her legs. I selected the above picture specifically to back up my observations. Her calves are like sticks - no muscle at all, right? But then her thighs are really curvy and fleshy, in comparison. Most of the anorexitantes have no meat on their legs whatsoever, thighs OR calves. It looked really freakish.

But she has beautiful skin and she was really friendly with the staff. The bored paparazzo took a couple pictures and then went back to just being bored. I have a feeling he claimed Kitson as his turf - and if any other paparazzi came, a fistfight would ensue. Either that or Kitson hired him.

Regardless, I didn't have the balls to get my camera out and take a pic myself. I know - wtf should I care? I'm not there to compete with these people. I was there to report back to you, my loyal readers. But, basically, I felt like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles at the dance. She should have talked to Jake Ryan, but she just couldn't do it. So she sat in a torn-apart car in the mechanic shop with Farmer Ted.

So we left, went to Tory Burch, Lisa Kline, etc. and then decided to walk past The Ivy.

The Ivy is a little restaurant with an outdoor seating area that celebs go to when they want to be seen, usually to put break-up rumors to rest. The funny thing is we saw NO paparazzi there at all. The only men standing outside were 5 valet parkers. But it was packed full of people, and while we were walking past, a bunch were waiting for their cars.

I walked ahead of Mr. and Baby Diva and brushed shoulders with someone who looks exactly like Jessica Simpson, collagen fish lips and all. I was cool, though, and just kept walking, knowing that Mr. Diva would confirm my suspicions if they were right. I waited a few paces before turning around.

"It wasn't her," he simply stated.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah - that chick was too fat."

"Well, I'll check Perez tonight and see if she is in town today."

And, in fact, she WAS in town, because later she went to the nightclub Hyde and bumped into Nick Lachey and his new woman, Vanessa Milano Cookie.

And she IS curvy - much more so than most of the chicks in LA-LA land. But there was no paparazzi. And no CaCee Cobb. And no gay hairdressers.

So it could have been just one of the trillions of bims who spend hours of times and loads of cash trying to look like Jessica Simpson.

We drove back thru Bel-Air to get to the Highway from Hell (i.e. 405) and did not see one person enjoying their palatial monstrosities they call home. But we did see numerous Hispanic landscapers mowing lawns.

Los Angeles. Not for me. I'm sure they are crushed.

RagHag Roundup: Quote of the Week

From Star Magazine:

"One-night stands are not for me. I think it's gross when you just give it up"

- Paris Hilton

(no sarcastic comment needed)

Thursday, July 13, 2006

American Pervert

Some guy who was on American Idol a couple years ago, Daniel James "DJ" Boyd, is in the clink for "production of child pornography and possession of child pornography".

You probably don't remember him cuz he only made it to the top 100. He got two 14-year old girls drunk, convinced them to have sex with him and videotaped it.

Simon Cowell was quoted as saying, "That was hideous. Hideous. My adivce would be if you want to pursue a career in the child pornography business, D.J. Boyd, don't"

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Turns Out Four's NOT A Charm

Christie Brinkley has separated from her husband.

Her FOURTH husband.

Wow. Four husbands. Is she the next Liz Taylor?

I deliberately didn't choose a picture of her with her FOURTH husband, because really, let's be straight - we didn't know who he was when she married him, and we certainly aren't going to know him now.

She should just be happy with being insanely gorgeous. Does she need true love too?

Bitch can't have it all. That's just greedy.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Jackie Chan Gets Wowdy

Jackie Chan got drunk, jumped onstage at a concert, demanded a duet with the performer, conducted the band, and insulted the audience.

Then he did a couple butterfly kicks off the stage and collapsed in a puddle of his own vomit and urine.

(Okay I made that last part up. But it was pretty convincing, right?)

Lindsay Breaks Out

Lindsay Lohan is the new celebrity face of Proactiv.

I hope these young girls like Lindsay and Jessica Simpson and Kelly Clarkson don't forget to thank Vanessa Williams, who trailblazed this road of anti-acne endorsements.

Kathy Griffin's Man Did Her WRONG

I've been meaning to post this for over a week, but more pressing issues came up, like the new Nicole Richie/Jeff Goldblum romance (ew - you can thank blogger for not having to look at pics of them).

Funny, but Larry King had the same problem. Kathy Griffin was supposed to be on Larry King Live last Tuesday, but then North Korea decided to be all macho and show us how big their missiles were so, alas, she was bumped.

Such is the life of a D-lister.

She was finally on last night and she said the reason she divorced her folicle-challenged husband, computer dork Matthew Moline, was because he kept stealing money from her - $72,000, to be exact.

"My ex-husband, without my knowledge, was sneaking into my wallet when I was asleep in the mornings and taking my ATM cards of my own private accounts and withdrawing money."

Damn. That's shady. Then Larry said, basically, that in showbiz terms, $72,000 wasn't that much.

I hate Larry King.

Kathy stated the obvious, that she couldn't trust him, blah blah.

Okay, I have a confession. I'm totally writing this as if I watched it. I didn't. I totally forgot it was on. No, instead, I watched a marathon of Mr. Diva's favorite show on the National Geographic channel - "Air Emergency", aka "Mr. Diva's Worst Nightmare Depicted on the Small Screen".

So thanks to People for the recap. And Kathy, stay strong! You don't need that. Surround yourself with your gays and a big batch of cake soup!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Raghag Roundup: Surrrrrrri??? Where AAAARRRREEE You??

Come out, come out wherever you are!

The cover of Us asks "Where's Suri?"

Good question. The baby we heard so much about around the opening of "Mission Impossible 3" is 11 weeks old and no one has seen any proof that this kid actually exists.

Us reports that even Tom Cruise's Scientology friends John Travolta and Kelly Preston haven't seen her. Neither have Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.

This doesn't help the rumors that Katie was just wearing a pillow the whole time.

But she has gained the post-baby weight, says Us as proof that a baby was actually born.

Uh, that's called getting fat. You don't need to have a kid to accomplish that feat.

But she was born at a hospital, they cry. Uh, have we heard from anyone that a baby was born? We may have, now that I think about it, and I'm too lazy to go searching for a quote from the night nurse. But regardless, Tom Cruise is a small but powerful man. Not one ex-wife has said anything bad about him, despite the amount of material he has given them to work with. Comedy Central pulled the brilliant South Park Scientology episode that had him in the closet.

So here are my theories:

1. There is a baby, and Tom is waiting to release her to the public right around the release date of his next movie. Or;

2. There is no baby.

I'm thinking 2, people.

Update: TMZ.com has a copy of the Suri Cruise Birth Certificate on its website.

I still won't see it until I believe it.

RagHag Roundup: Get your Bulimia Bags Ready...

Last week the rags were saying Nicole Richie was 'kicking it', as the kids say, with Matt Dillon.

I thought if I ignored this tidbit, it would just go away.

Well it did, sort of. But, then, it just got worse.

Now, they report that she's seeing Jeff "The Fly" Goldblum.

Let the retching begin!!!

(I've got a couple great images of the new couple. But Blogger is obviously finding them too disturbing to publish, since it won't let me upload images right now. Don't worry - I'll provide them soon so a second round of retching can begin. We're all gonna be sooooo skinny!!!

Raghag Roundup: Are Jen and Vince getting Hitched?

I received an urgent email late last week from Nuwanda Girl demanding answers: are Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn engaged or not??

Well, maybe urgent isn't the right word. It was more of an afterthought, tacked onto a message about Korean dramas. Uh, don't knock them until you try them, people - you'll be addicted. A new one starts tonight on AZN at 11p eastern/8p pacific.

Perez Hilton mentioned last week on his blog that Jen and Vince were tying the knot.

His sources were Us and Life&Style. But then I heard nothing, and I wonder what makes this week's declaration of a Jen/Vince wedding any different than all the other weeks' declarations of a Jen/Vince wedding.

I still can't tell. Life&Style hardly ever get it right. I mean, they are reporting that Oprah will be a bridesmaid, for christ's sake. Oprah ain't no bridesmaid. Never a bridesmaid, never a bride is how the saying goes for Ms. Winfrey.

So sure. They're getting married. Why the hell not? And throw Oprah in as a bridesmaid. And Brad Pitt's mom will walk her down the aisle.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Ashley Judd Sought Rehab for the Soul

Ashley Judd spent 47 days at Shades of Hope Treatment Center in February - not for drugs, but for her psyche.

Specifically, she went to address her "codependence in my relationships; depression, blaming, raging, numbing, denying and minimizing my feelings."

Wow. This goes right along with my master plan - to open a Rehab for the Soul treatment center that caters specifically to celebrities. 800-thread count sheets, massages, yoga, a little therapy here and there, and an onsite pharmacy dispensing copious amounts of Ativan.

Okay - I don't want to open it - I just want to visit it. So if YOU decide you're gonna open one, please send details to raghagdiva@gmail.com.

Swank Claims Drugs Contributed to Marriage's Downfall


Hilary Swank has entered the celebrity confessional, the offices of Vanity Fair, and declared that ex-husband Chad Lowe had a "substance-abuse" problem and it was part of the reason why they broke up.

Nuwanda Girl and I were talking about this yesterday, and we have a couple of questions:

1. What is the nature of said substance. Are we talking Jack Daniels or Joy powder? Scripts or back alley injectables? If you're gonna confess, confess all the way.

2. What does Vanity Fair do to its interviewees to get them to talk? NG and I decided the slipped truth serum into their beverages.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

You be the Judge - Anorexic, or No?

Keira Knightley has been all over the press this past week declaring that she is NOT anorexic.

The anorexic claim stemmed from how she looked in this Gucci dress at the London premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

She says she's not following in Nicole Richie's tiny bony footsteps because her grandmother AND great-grandmother were both anorexic, and a bunch of her friends at school were, so she knows the signs.

Uh, one of the signs is that bony clavicle protruding from your chest.

Oh, and if you can count multiple ribs, that's a bad sign, too.

Why Liam Neeson is HOT

Check out the latest pics of Liam Neeson from People's website.

Romantic with the wife, goofy with the kids.

That is love, actually.

Monday, July 03, 2006

New Pics of a New Couple

I haven't mentioned it here, but I've seen it around the Internet and found some cute pics to share of the new couple:

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy.

I think this couple has sticking power. They are both way into sophomoric humor. And they both have very very big smiles. They both contort their faces into looking like attractive people, but really, they are just giant goofs.

We'll see how long this one lasts. I'm kinda rooting for this one.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Tori's Story

As I promised last week, here is the lowdown on the Tori-Candy wars in this week's mags.

Us ran it as a cover story, but frankly I was a bit disappointed with it. I didn't learn anything new. Tori got a text message saying her dad died from a friend. Her mom didn't call her. They aren't talking because, among other things that weren't really clear in the article, Candy has been spending time with another man.

People, though, gave us some new information on the subject. Turns out Aaron Spelling had Alzheimer's. Oh, and Candy invited Tori to the memorial and funeral service. Tori thought it was weird that she had to be invited to her own dad's funeral, but she didn't make a fuss because it was a difficult time.

Okay, this has been bothering me since I posted the news that Candy was spending time with another man, and this was a major reason why Tori wasn't speaking to her. Because, if I remember correctly (and I do) Ms. Spelling was dilly dallying with another woman's husband while she was another person's wife.

So let me get this straight - it's okay for the daughter to wreck two families, but not okay for the mom? Meanwhile, People reports that Aaron's health was deteriorating since 2001 - not only did he suffer from throat cancer, but he also had Alzheimer's. Then he had a stroke.

Look, I don't endorse infidelity in any case, but if I were going to compare these two situations, a healthy young woman stealing a husband from a woman who just gave birth vs. a 66-year-old woman sharing time with another man while her much older husband is all but a shell of a human being at home, well, I'm siding with Candy on this one.

Also, if there was a rift between Tori and her mom, why did she let that get in between her relationship with her father? If she felt so bad for him, wouldn't she have spent as much time with him as possible? I mean, if what Tori says is true, her mom wouldn't be home a lot, right?

People reports that Aaron knew his wife was spending time with another man. His name is Mark Nathanson, and he was the person who introduced Aaron and Candy. They sound like they've been friends for a long time, and he probably offered support to her while she watched her husband deteriorate before her eyes. If this turned into romance, well, I guess these things happen.

I think Tori should probably focus on all the other dysfunctions in her family and drop this hypocritical rants of adultery. I mean, she should focus on her mom's two - count them, two - rooms in her house devoted to gift wrapping. The whole world would be wearing Team Tori shirts.