RagHag Diva

Dissecting all the weekly trash celebrity magazines so YOU don't have to!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Raghag Roundup: Surrrrrrri??? Where AAAARRRREEE You??

Come out, come out wherever you are!

The cover of Us asks "Where's Suri?"

Good question. The baby we heard so much about around the opening of "Mission Impossible 3" is 11 weeks old and no one has seen any proof that this kid actually exists.

Us reports that even Tom Cruise's Scientology friends John Travolta and Kelly Preston haven't seen her. Neither have Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.

This doesn't help the rumors that Katie was just wearing a pillow the whole time.

But she has gained the post-baby weight, says Us as proof that a baby was actually born.

Uh, that's called getting fat. You don't need to have a kid to accomplish that feat.

But she was born at a hospital, they cry. Uh, have we heard from anyone that a baby was born? We may have, now that I think about it, and I'm too lazy to go searching for a quote from the night nurse. But regardless, Tom Cruise is a small but powerful man. Not one ex-wife has said anything bad about him, despite the amount of material he has given them to work with. Comedy Central pulled the brilliant South Park Scientology episode that had him in the closet.

So here are my theories:

1. There is a baby, and Tom is waiting to release her to the public right around the release date of his next movie. Or;

2. There is no baby.

I'm thinking 2, people.

Update: TMZ.com has a copy of the Suri Cruise Birth Certificate on its website.

I still won't see it until I believe it.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Yoon Hee said...

There ain't no baby, people. Tom Cruise might as well move to Vegas and work at an Outback Steakhouse cuz his career is over.

Noone even wanted to buy the baby pix!

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Mot said...

I be it is because the baby is not white. I assume Katie was artificially inseminated. The donor was an intelligent African American by accident. (This is all just a theory) Tom is afraid to show the real baby because the world will know that his marriage to katie is a sham!!!! Raghag weren't there rumors that Tommy C. wasn't able to father children? Give us the low down on that.

12:48 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home