RagHag Diva

RagHagDiva.com is LIVE!

2006-09-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, www.raghagdiva.com is open for business!

Thanks for your patience. I promise to reward you with lots of Suri goodness.

New URL for RagHag

2006-09-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

Well, www.raghagdiva.com is not up quite yet.

However, I must report tomorrow's news - Photographic Evidence of Suri Cruise.

So because I am having so many problems with Blogger, I started another - you can find it here:

http://raghagdiva.wordpress.com/

I apologize for all the redirects - but RagHag needs to post the news with a reliable tool.

Heh. I said 'tool'.

Please visit me there - and you'll be rewarded with a picture of the alleged Suri Cruise.

Closed for Repairs

2006-09-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't been updating much, due mostly to technical reasons (not to mention there's been no good dirt to dish lately - damn the month of August!) but I will be returning soon, with a brand new site, and a brand new URL:

www.raghagdiva.com

Keep checking in - I'll post a notice here when the new site is up and running!

Gyllenhaal Covers Up Bump

2006-08-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Now Maggie. I know your pregnant. But it's no reason to shroud yourself in a burqa. It's August in America - you're allowed to show skin here.

Of course, you look 1,000 times better than your pregnant peer.

So THAT'S Why Kate Hudson's Getting a Divorce...

2006-08-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

... because she's a big SKANK!

She hooked up with Owen Wilson while filming "You, Me and Dupree".

“This is not a fling,” says a source close to the couple. “Kate is crazy about him. Owen gives her so much attention, and she loves it. [That’s why] she wants her marriage to be over.”

Dude Owen Wilson is a notorious player. But maybe he can help convince her that they need to cut her kid's hair.

They do look better together.

Breakup Alert!

2006-08-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

Kate Hudson and her Black Crowes husband, Chris Robinson, are splitzville.

I think it's because she wanted to cut their kid's hair and he refused.

Angie Moves Out

2006-08-09T12:26:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: This info is from Star Magazine. There is probably a 4.7 percent chance that this is true.

Angelina Jolie moved out of Brad's Malibu home, with all three kids in tow.

Star says she went to the Hotel Bel Air. But I think she would have gone to the Beverly Hills Hotel, where her mom is staying.

Angie Moves Out

2006-08-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

Move Over, Mel - Robin's Joining Ya...

2006-08-09T12:20:00.000-07:00

Now Robin Williams is entering rehab. For alcoholism.

I can't believe it's not for coke.

Cruise's Ex Cruz Sees Baby Cruise

2006-08-03T16:48:00.000-07:00

Penelope Cruz, the ex-girlfriend of Tom Cruise, has come out saying she's seen Suri.

Sorry, Tom. You're gonna have to do better than that.

I believe Penelope, like Nicole, is under a strict contract with Tom. I mean, come on - she dated him for three years and no smack talk? I could almost forgive Nicole, cuz she has kids with the man. But Penelope has nothing to lose...

Or does she?

"She's really beautiful. She's one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen," the 32-year-old actress said.

I know everyone says babies are beautiful, even when they are not. But the quotes from the three chosen wise women, Cruz, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Leah Remini, are eerily similar. Even the AP article implies so:

Pinkett Smith has described Suri as "one of the sweetest babies I've ever met in my life," while Remini has said the baby "looks like Tom and Katie, she's just beautiful."

If this baby's so perfect I say bring her out of hiding! Show the mere mortals what a beautiful sweet baby you have.

I dare ya, Tom!

Mel Gibson Overload

2006-08-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not posting yesterday. Seems that if one is exposed to too many Drunk Mel Gibson stories, one develops a sort of twitch, not unlike an epileptic seizure, and thus cannot post entries to one's celebrity trash blog.

But there is good news out there in Gossipwood. Star Jones Reynolds is not, I repeat NOT, getting a divorce from her gay husband.

Well thank god and hallelujah! I had almost forgotten about ol' Star. Okay, we can all go on with our lives. Carry on.

Mel Gibson Hates the Jews, Loves the Sauce

2006-07-31T14:46:00.000-07:00

Wow. Mel Gibson is in TROUBLE!

Pulled over for drunk driving. Saying crazy shit about the Jews.

What do you think? Is his career over?

The best source to follow this story is definitely tmz.com - they even have a video clip of a PSA Gibson did for the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, and clips from his interview with Diane Sawyer where he says it's against his religion to be anti-semitic and he used to drive drunk, but that's when he was stupid.

Waxy Baby

2006-07-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

This pic was out yesterday, and I was going to write about it then, but it was just too disturbing.

After twisting and turning all night with visions of the wax family in my head, I decided I should just get it out there and hopefully excise it from my brain.

Another So-Called Suri Sighting

2006-07-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

Tom Cruise has paid yet another "celebrity" to rave about his "child", Suri.

Jada Pinkett Smith has seen the imaginary child twice, and calls her "gorgeous" and "Daddy's little girl."

Whatever. I'm not taking the word of someone who got her start on the "Cosby Show" spinoff "A Different World." Now if it were Dwayne Wayne saying it, then maybe. But tomboy Lena James? Sorry. Try again.

Besides, look at her. She used to be a beautiful woman. She's obviously gone over the deep end, never to return. We're gonna believe this person?

Tori Gets Screwed

2006-07-26T14:34:00.000-07:00

Out of the $500 million fortune her father left behind, Tori Spelling gets less than $1 million.

She better start cutting coupons. Hitting the Wal-Mart. Selling her plasma.

Lance is OUT!

2006-07-26T12:11:00.000-07:00

Lance Bass told People that he is gay, and in a long-term relationship with Reichen Lehmkuhl, who won The Amazing Race a few seasons ago.

Lance, I just want to tell you how happy I am for you. First of all, great choice going with People to disclose your news. You know the rags very well, obviously. If it's in People, it's true.

Second, great choice in a boyfriend. That Reichen is h-o-t HOT.

Third, you always were my favorite 'N Syncer. I even saw your movie, On The Line. I had a little crush on you - totally thought you were hot. I should have known then that you were gay. I always fall for the gay ones.

Fourth, and most importantly, I'm so glad you said this:

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed — that's the one thing I went to say. I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."

You will be even happier now that you don't have to hide who you are. You're gonna thrive, baby!

Mazel Tov!

"I'm Sorry I'm a Dirty Dog Pervert!"

2006-07-25T13:37:00.000-07:00

Peter Cook apologized to Christie Brinkley through his lawyer to NYPost's Cindy Adams.

"I love my wife. I have loved her since the day I met her. Please . . . I love her."

That's why he banged his 19 year old assistant, plus a couple other teenage girls. Cuz he loves his wife.

Then he said, "For a lifetime I've tried to prove how much I love her. This is an aberration."

Aberration? He's been chasing after the girl since she was 17. And I like how he says he's been trying to prove how much he loves Christie. Like someone she has insecurities and trust issues and so he had to go have sex with teenage girls.

If she goes back to him, she's insane.

RagHag Roundup: Star Gets it Wrong! (Again)

2006-07-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

Star Magazine yet again published totally incorrect information as if it were fact.

P. 15 - Couples News

ON! Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro

Carmen Electra, 34, and Dave Navarro, 39, are going strong despite rumors. In fact, the sexy actress tells Star that she "would like to have a baby in 2008. It's a huge commitment, and I want to enjoy being married for a little bit first."

Uh, enjoy being married to whom, Carmen? Cuz we all know you put your "career" ahead of spending time with your husband.

RagHag Roundup: Nicole Richie Shopped Til She Dropped

2006-07-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

Oh man - I was SO CLOSE to witnessing this in person.

So Nicole Richie fainted while shopping at Kitson on July 15th.

I was there July 14th! Damn it to hell! All I got was a glimpse Brittany Murphy!

She was browsing and BAM! Hit the floor. The staff offered her food, to which she shouted an ambiguous "NO!" but did accept a glass of calorie-free water. 20 minutes later, she was good as new.

Okay - maybe that's optimistic. How about this: 20 minutes later, she was upright on her matchstick legs and fairly mobile, considering her complete lack of muscle tone.

RagHag Roundup: Lance May As Well Wear a Suit of Rainbow Flags

2006-07-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

In Star's Sightings column, page 39:

Former *NSYNC boy bander Lance Bass and three guy friends howling and clapping at comedian Kathy Griffin's gay-joke-filled stand-up show at the Wiltern Theater in L.A. on July 13.

Kathy, Lance Bass is one of your gays! This is HUGE - you must capitalize on this. I mean, come on - he may as well officially come out of the closet.

"Three guy friends"! LMAO!

RagHag Roundup: If it Weren't for my Pension, I'd Kick Your Ass!

2006-07-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

So remember how I mentioned that the uber-beautiful Christie Brinkley is getting a divorce from her equally white-toothed husband, Peter Cook? You've probably heard the reason: teen sex.

Her husband is a perv/typical man who decided to cheat on his 52 year old wife with a 19 year old girl. And how did Christie find out? According to People, the girl's stepfather approached the couple after Christie's commencement address at Southampton High School and told her.

The girl's stepfather, Brian Platt is a Southampton Village police office, and according to Life&Style, he said to Cook, in front of Brinkley, "If I weren't worried about my pension, you'd be a dead man."

Damn you, pension! [shaking fist to the air]

Hey Brian - it's called civil litigation. You won't have to worry about your pension, dude.

RagHag Roundup: What's Wrong with Baby Suri

2006-07-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

I have to give props to Star for coming up with the best headline of the week:

"What's Wrong with Baby Suri - & Why is Katie Hiding Her?"

Doesn't it give you chills??? Elephant Baby!!

So you get to the story, and a bunch of it discusses Katie's brushes with stalkercrazies, and that's why we haven't seen Suri. But then, in a little sidebar, another reason is given - one I haven't thought about and one that could make sense.

Their "experts" have surmised that there is nothing seriously wrong with Suri cuz if there was, she would have to have gone to a hospital at some point, and there aren't any sighting of her there (uh, I guess their "experts" have never heard of doctor-patient confidentiality). So what they think is that Suri never got immunizations - Scientologists don't believe in protecting against whooping cough - and they could be keeping her out of the public in order for her immune system to strengthen before being exposed to the outside world.

So this is a pretty good explanation, right? One that could hold water. But then why, if Leah Remini is such a good Scientologist that she was the 'chosen one' to view Suri, why then would she pose with her newborn for the cover of any rag that would have her? Why, Leah? Why? Do you want your baby to catch polio? Or are you like a fair-weather Scientologist and went ahead and got the shots? Only a Scientologist while it's convenient, like when you're asked by Tom Cruise to lie to the world about holding his "baby"?

(By the way - that is not, I repeat NOT, a picture of Suri with Leah Remini. That's her own baby, the one with either the immunizations or bacterial meningitis.)

Britney Gets a New Manny

2006-07-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

This one isn't as high school quarterbackie as the last one, but he's WAY better than K-Fed.

Course, that ain't much of a compliment. I mean, most homeless guys have a leg up on Federline.

Britney could actually be cute here, if her strap wasn't hanging off her shoulder. Poor thing - she just can't get her shit together.

THIS is Ashlee Simpson??

2006-07-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

Check out this pic from People.com.

She totally doesn't look like herself. I mean, she looks tons better, cuz let's be honest, she was kind of a dog. But it's really weird - now she doesn't look like anything.

It freaking me out, to be honest. She looks like a second-tier host on Extra!

Semi-Famous Scientologist Claims She Saw Suri

2006-07-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

Leah Remini says she saw Suri.

"She's a beaming baby. She looks like Tom and Katie. She's just beautiful," the King of Queens 'star' told People.

Bullshit.

Those Scientologists will say anything to support the lies that are told. That's what the "religion" is all about. Holds no water with me.

None of us will be satisfied until we see the kid. Am I right, people??

If You're In L.A., Get Off the Roads NOW

2006-07-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

There were two celebrity car crashes yesterday!

Remember the creepy kid that saw dead people in "The Sixth Sense"? Haley Joel Osment, that's the name. Anyway, he was on his way home early Thursday and crashed his car into a brick pillar and flipped it.

You would think a movie star, albeit a child movie star, would have a nice ride, right? Like a Beemer, or a Mercedes. Well, Haley Joel chose to go a different route - he has (I mean had) a stylish, hip 1995 Saturn.

He was driving alone and is still in the hospital, but his current condition is unclear.

The other crash involved a Baldwin - Daniel Baldwin, to be exact, and he was driving all crazy in his RENTED Ford Thunderbird, going over 80 mph in traffic, running a red light, and finally crashing into two parked cars, one being a Hummer.

He had a woman in the car with him, who remains unidentified, but PerezHilton is guessing it was a hooker. He's probably right on with this prediction.

So the actor who once starred in the blockbuster "Attack of the 50-Foot Woman" was detained and charged with a misdemeanor, before heading to the hosiptal with "back and neck pain" (i.e. code for 'give me Vicodin').

Danny Boy was arrested in April for cocaine possession. I have a feeling that drugs could have possibily played a part in all this.

Another Mrs. Ritchie

2006-07-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

Pamela Anderson will join Madonna in becoming a Mrs. Ritchie.

Mrs. Bob Ritchie aka Mrs. Kid Rock.

She confirmed the rumors on her website.

There's a strange dig at the end of her otherwise romantic and love-filled entry:

"Wounds will heal. Some people may never grow up. Actions speak louder than words....watch!"

WTF is up with that? Anyway, with the exception of that silver-tongued statement, she sounds happy, - and it's true, Bob's been waiting around for years for her to wake up and realize that the kid from suburban Detroit is her One True Love.

I'm kind of rooting for them, even though I'm also giving it 6 weeks.

I believe I Predicted THIS Ages Ago...

2006-07-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

... but I don't even care enough to scroll back in the archives to confirm such prediction.

Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra are divorcing.

Just more evidence that reality show marriages don't last.

PerezHilton is reporting that they've been separated for over five months, and that Dave is seeing someone else, a 'socialite' named Sarah Howard.

How does one become a socialite, anyway? Is there a master's program in that somewhere, cuz if there is, sign me UP.

Anyway, I'm on Team Navarro with this one, but only because I saw him on "I Love the 90s" and he is a HUGE 90210 fan. I was won over, despite his weird facial hair.

RagHag Goes to Hollywood

2006-07-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

On Friday, the entire Diva family decided it would be fun to go to the source of my rants - Hollywood, C.A.

If we were thinking clearly, we probably wouldn't have chosen Friday to go. Why? Well, traffic is as bad as everyone says it is in and around L.A. and on a Friday, it's particularily shitty. In theory, it should have taken us 90 minutes to get there. it took 2 hours and 15 minutes. Not bad, considering it took 3+ hours to get home. Also, there's this heatwave thing happening all over the country (except, as our weatherperson keeps reminding us, in our former hometown of Seattle, where it's a perfect 71 degrees) so it was 95 degrees. Yep, only 3 degrees more and we would have been a walking Nick Lachey band.

My above complaints should be a tipoff to you readers that, although I love reading about Hollywood and making fun of Hollywood, I am so not Hollywood. Hollywood hipsters would not complain about old-lady topics such as traffic and weather. I'm much better suited in a surburban Starbucks sippin down Frappachinos before heading of to Target.

So we first go to Rodeo Drive and I tell Mr. Diva to not even park, because a. it's torture to go into stores with beautiful clothes that I could never afford; and b. the only people walking around there were tourists in capri pants and flip flops taking pictures of themselves under the Rodeo Dr. street sign.

So we instead went to Robertson Blvd, where all the shops that are written up in the rags are located - Kitson, Lisa Kline, Ghost and of course, paparazzi-central: The Ivy.

After figuring out we were on the wrong side of Robertson (we were south of Wilshire - which really has just a bunch of antique shops and nail salons) we made it to our destination - Hollywood Heaven. We found a spot right on Robertson and scoped out the scene. Then, after strapping Baby Diva on Mr. Diva's back, we headed to Kitson.

Kitson was a really weird experience. I thought it would be, I don't know, nicer, I guess is the word I'm looking for. As I told Nuwanda Girl - it reminded me of Urban Outfitters, but more crowded and less organized. The clothing there wasn't inexpensive, but it was cheap. The lighting was bright and garish. The music was loud and typical of what you would expect from a store that screams "We're so fucking hip we can't even stand ourselves." The clientele was young, thin Paris Hilton wanna-be's. The Diva family stuck out like a big fat red oozing pimple on otherwise flawless skin.

So I started flipping through the racks, and Mr. Diva whispers to me, "First Sighting! First Sighting!"

"Who?" I say thru clenched teeth, looking as inconspicuous as possible."

"Brittany Murphy, to my left."

I turn and see no one except a mob of anorexics and a young male paparazzo looking rather bored.

"Now to your left," he mutters again.

I turn and see, Brittany Murphy.

I know, on the celebrity richter scale, she's about a 3.7. But I loved her in Clueless. Too bad she has no resemblance to that person anymore.

She is really, really, really tiny. But her head is huge. A balloon on a string, NG said. Exactly. A Bobblehead.

But the weirdest thing about her is by far her legs. I selected the above picture specifically to back up my observations. Her calves are like sticks - no muscle at all, right? But then her thighs are really curvy and fleshy, in comparison. Most of the anorexitantes have no meat on their legs whatsoever, thighs OR calves. It looked really freakish.

But she has beautiful skin and she was really friendly with the staff. The bored paparazzo took a couple pictures and then went back to just being bored. I have a feeling he claimed Kitson as his turf - and if any other paparazzi came, a fistfight would ensue. Either that or Kitson hired him.

Regardless, I didn't have the balls to get my camera out and take a pic myself. I know - wtf should I care? I'm not there to compete with these people. I was there to report back to you, my loyal readers. But, basically, I felt like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles at the dance. She should have talked to Jake Ryan, but she just couldn't do it. So she sat in a torn-apart car in the mechanic shop with Farmer Ted.

So we left, went to Tory Burch, Lisa Kline, etc. and then decided to walk past The Ivy.

The Ivy is a little restaurant with an outdoor seating area that celebs go to when they want to be seen, usually to put break-up rumors to rest. The funny thing is we saw NO paparazzi there at all. The only men standing outside were 5 valet parkers. But it was packed full of people, and while we were walking past, a bunch were waiting for their cars.

I walked ahead of Mr. and Baby Diva and brushed shoulders with someone who looks exactly like Jessica Simpson, collagen fish lips and all. I was cool, though, and just kept walking, knowing that Mr. Diva would confirm my suspicions if they were right. I waited a few paces before turning around.

"It wasn't her," he simply stated.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah - that chick was too fat."

"Well, I'll check Perez tonight and see if she is in town today."

And, in fact, she WAS in town, because later she went to the nightclub Hyde and bumped into Nick Lachey and his new woman, Vanessa Milano Cookie.

And she IS curvy - much more so than most of the chicks in LA-LA land. But there was no paparazzi. And no CaCee Cobb. And no gay hairdressers.

So it could have been just one of the trillions of bims who spend hours of times and loads of cash trying to look like Jessica Simpson.

We drove back thru Bel-Air to get to the Highway from Hell (i.e. 405) and did not see one person enjoying their palatial monstrosities they call home. But we did see numerous Hispanic landscapers mowing lawns.

Los Angeles. Not for me. I'm sure they are crushed.

RagHag Roundup: Quote of the Week

2006-07-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

From Star Magazine:

"One-night stands are not for me. I think it's gross when you just give it up"

- Paris Hilton

(no sarcastic comment needed)

American Pervert

2006-07-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

Some guy who was on American Idol a couple years ago, Daniel James "DJ" Boyd, is in the clink for "production of child pornography and possession of child pornography".

You probably don't remember him cuz he only made it to the top 100. He got two 14-year old girls drunk, convinced them to have sex with him and videotaped it.

Simon Cowell was quoted as saying, "That was hideous. Hideous. My adivce would be if you want to pursue a career in the child pornography business, D.J. Boyd, don't"

Turns Out Four's NOT A Charm

2006-07-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Christie Brinkley has separated from her husband.

Her FOURTH husband.

Wow. Four husbands. Is she the next Liz Taylor?

I deliberately didn't choose a picture of her with her FOURTH husband, because really, let's be straight - we didn't know who he was when she married him, and we certainly aren't going to know him now.

She should just be happy with being insanely gorgeous. Does she need true love too?

Bitch can't have it all. That's just greedy.

Jackie Chan Gets Wowdy

2006-07-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

Jackie Chan got drunk, jumped onstage at a concert, demanded a duet with the performer, conducted the band, and insulted the audience.

Then he did a couple butterfly kicks off the stage and collapsed in a puddle of his own vomit and urine.

(Okay I made that last part up. But it was pretty convincing, right?)

Lindsay Breaks Out

2006-07-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

Lindsay Lohan is the new celebrity face of Proactiv.

I hope these young girls like Lindsay and Jessica Simpson and Kelly Clarkson don't forget to thank Vanessa Williams, who trailblazed this road of anti-acne endorsements.

Kathy Griffin's Man Did Her WRONG

2006-07-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post this for over a week, but more pressing issues came up, like the new Nicole Richie/Jeff Goldblum romance (ew - you can thank blogger for not having to look at pics of them).

Funny, but Larry King had the same problem. Kathy Griffin was supposed to be on Larry King Live last Tuesday, but then North Korea decided to be all macho and show us how big their missiles were so, alas, she was bumped.

Such is the life of a D-lister.

She was finally on last night and she said the reason she divorced her folicle-challenged husband, computer dork Matthew Moline, was because he kept stealing money from her - $72,000, to be exact.

"My ex-husband, without my knowledge, was sneaking into my wallet when I was asleep in the mornings and taking my ATM cards of my own private accounts and withdrawing money."

Damn. That's shady. Then Larry said, basically, that in showbiz terms, $72,000 wasn't that much.

I hate Larry King.

Kathy stated the obvious, that she couldn't trust him, blah blah.

Okay, I have a confession. I'm totally writing this as if I watched it. I didn't. I totally forgot it was on. No, instead, I watched a marathon of Mr. Diva's favorite show on the National Geographic channel - "Air Emergency", aka "Mr. Diva's Worst Nightmare Depicted on the Small Screen".

So thanks to People for the recap. And Kathy, stay strong! You don't need that. Surround yourself with your gays and a big batch of cake soup!!!

Raghag Roundup: Surrrrrrri??? Where AAAARRRREEE You??

2006-07-10T08:28:00.000-07:00

Come out, come out wherever you are!

The cover of Us asks "Where's Suri?"

Good question. The baby we heard so much about around the opening of "Mission Impossible 3" is 11 weeks old and no one has seen any proof that this kid actually exists.

Us reports that even Tom Cruise's Scientology friends John Travolta and Kelly Preston haven't seen her. Neither have Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.

This doesn't help the rumors that Katie was just wearing a pillow the whole time.

But she has gained the post-baby weight, says Us as proof that a baby was actually born.

Uh, that's called getting fat. You don't need to have a kid to accomplish that feat.

But she was born at a hospital, they cry. Uh, have we heard from anyone that a baby was born? We may have, now that I think about it, and I'm too lazy to go searching for a quote from the night nurse. But regardless, Tom Cruise is a small but powerful man. Not one ex-wife has said anything bad about him, despite the amount of material he has given them to work with. Comedy Central pulled the brilliant South Park Scientology episode that had him in the closet.

So here are my theories:

1. There is a baby, and Tom is waiting to release her to the public right around the release date of his next movie. Or;

2. There is no baby.

I'm thinking 2, people.

Update: TMZ.com has a copy of the Suri Cruise Birth Certificate on its website.

I still won't see it until I believe it.

RagHag Roundup: Get your Bulimia Bags Ready...

2006-07-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

Last week the rags were saying Nicole Richie was 'kicking it', as the kids say, with Matt Dillon.

I thought if I ignored this tidbit, it would just go away.

Well it did, sort of. But, then, it just got worse.

Now, they report that she's seeing Jeff "The Fly" Goldblum.

Let the retching begin!!!

(I've got a couple great images of the new couple. But Blogger is obviously finding them too disturbing to publish, since it won't let me upload images right now. Don't worry - I'll provide them soon so a second round of retching can begin. We're all gonna be sooooo skinny!!!

Raghag Roundup: Are Jen and Vince getting Hitched?

2006-07-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

I received an urgent email late last week from Nuwanda Girl demanding answers: are Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn engaged or not??

Well, maybe urgent isn't the right word. It was more of an afterthought, tacked onto a message about Korean dramas. Uh, don't knock them until you try them, people - you'll be addicted. A new one starts tonight on AZN at 11p eastern/8p pacific.

Perez Hilton mentioned last week on his blog that Jen and Vince were tying the knot.

His sources were Us and Life&Style. But then I heard nothing, and I wonder what makes this week's declaration of a Jen/Vince wedding any different than all the other weeks' declarations of a Jen/Vince wedding.

I still can't tell. Life&Style hardly ever get it right. I mean, they are reporting that Oprah will be a bridesmaid, for christ's sake. Oprah ain't no bridesmaid. Never a bridesmaid, never a bride is how the saying goes for Ms. Winfrey.

So sure. They're getting married. Why the hell not? And throw Oprah in as a bridesmaid. And Brad Pitt's mom will walk her down the aisle.

Ashley Judd Sought Rehab for the Soul

2006-07-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

Ashley Judd spent 47 days at Shades of Hope Treatment Center in February - not for drugs, but for her psyche.

Specifically, she went to address her "codependence in my relationships; depression, blaming, raging, numbing, denying and minimizing my feelings."

Wow. This goes right along with my master plan - to open a Rehab for the Soul treatment center that caters specifically to celebrities. 800-thread count sheets, massages, yoga, a little therapy here and there, and an onsite pharmacy dispensing copious amounts of Ativan.

Okay - I don't want to open it - I just want to visit it. So if YOU decide you're gonna open one, please send details to raghagdiva@gmail.com.

Swank Claims Drugs Contributed to Marriage's Downfall

2006-07-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

Wha?

Hilary Swank has entered the celebrity confessional, the offices of Vanity Fair, and declared that ex-husband Chad Lowe had a "substance-abuse" problem and it was part of the reason why they broke up.

Nuwanda Girl and I were talking about this yesterday, and we have a couple of questions:

1. What is the nature of said substance. Are we talking Jack Daniels or Joy powder? Scripts or back alley injectables? If you're gonna confess, confess all the way.

2. What does Vanity Fair do to its interviewees to get them to talk? NG and I decided the slipped truth serum into their beverages.

You be the Judge - Anorexic, or No?

2006-07-04T19:15:00.000-07:00

Keira Knightley has been all over the press this past week declaring that she is NOT anorexic.

The anorexic claim stemmed from how she looked in this Gucci dress at the London premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

She says she's not following in Nicole Richie's tiny bony footsteps because her grandmother AND great-grandmother were both anorexic, and a bunch of her friends at school were, so she knows the signs.

Uh, one of the signs is that bony clavicle protruding from your chest.

Oh, and if you can count multiple ribs, that's a bad sign, too.

Why Liam Neeson is HOT

2006-07-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

Check out the latest pics of Liam Neeson from People's website.

Romantic with the wife, goofy with the kids.

That is love, actually.

New Pics of a New Couple

2006-07-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't mentioned it here, but I've seen it around the Internet and found some cute pics to share of the new couple:

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy.

I think this couple has sticking power. They are both way into sophomoric humor. And they both have very very big smiles. They both contort their faces into looking like attractive people, but really, they are just giant goofs.

We'll see how long this one lasts. I'm kinda rooting for this one.

Tori's Story

2006-07-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

As I promised last week, here is the lowdown on the Tori-Candy wars in this week's mags.

Us ran it as a cover story, but frankly I was a bit disappointed with it. I didn't learn anything new. Tori got a text message saying her dad died from a friend. Her mom didn't call her. They aren't talking because, among other things that weren't really clear in the article, Candy has been spending time with another man.

People, though, gave us some new information on the subject. Turns out Aaron Spelling had Alzheimer's. Oh, and Candy invited Tori to the memorial and funeral service. Tori thought it was weird that she had to be invited to her own dad's funeral, but she didn't make a fuss because it was a difficult time.

Okay, this has been bothering me since I posted the news that Candy was spending time with another man, and this was a major reason why Tori wasn't speaking to her. Because, if I remember correctly (and I do) Ms. Spelling was dilly dallying with another woman's husband while she was another person's wife.

So let me get this straight - it's okay for the daughter to wreck two families, but not okay for the mom? Meanwhile, People reports that Aaron's health was deteriorating since 2001 - not only did he suffer from throat cancer, but he also had Alzheimer's. Then he had a stroke.

Look, I don't endorse infidelity in any case, but if I were going to compare these two situations, a healthy young woman stealing a husband from a woman who just gave birth vs. a 66-year-old woman sharing time with another man while her much older husband is all but a shell of a human being at home, well, I'm siding with Candy on this one.

Also, if there was a rift between Tori and her mom, why did she let that get in between her relationship with her father? If she felt so bad for him, wouldn't she have spent as much time with him as possible? I mean, if what Tori says is true, her mom wouldn't be home a lot, right?

People reports that Aaron knew his wife was spending time with another man. His name is Mark Nathanson, and he was the person who introduced Aaron and Candy. They sound like they've been friends for a long time, and he probably offered support to her while she watched her husband deteriorate before her eyes. If this turned into romance, well, I guess these things happen.

I think Tori should probably focus on all the other dysfunctions in her family and drop this hypocritical rants of adultery. I mean, she should focus on her mom's two - count them, two - rooms in her house devoted to gift wrapping. The whole world would be wearing Team Tori shirts.

Updated and Complete: Star Jones - on Larry King Live

2006-06-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

Okay folks. It's 8:30 here - Baby Diva slept in so I just made my coffee and got the TiVo queued. Larry King Live. Let's do this thing.

Did she jump - or was she pushed?

So Larry starts stating that before they get started, ABC has provided a written statement of there side of the story, and that he talked to Barbara Wednesday who told him to "quote her liberally." Okay, I feel like I should pop popcorn and pull all the curtains, because this is clearly gonna be a show.

First they show the clip of Star telling everyone, after much prayer and counsel, that she's taking off. But Larry has put a split schreen so we can watch her face while she watches it. She has a sad, closed-mouth smile while she watches. Like a sad clown watching the sunset.

Larry asks why, why did you do it this way?

She said that we've all planned for me to announce that I was leaving - we being Star, Barbara, ABC and producer Bill. Who the hell is Bill. When they told her her she was canned, they asked her to stay until July 13 and told her what day she could announce it on the show. Problem was, that day wasn't Tuesday, June 27.

She was told on April 21st that she wasn't coming back in the fall. She showed up to work every day and acted professionally, even though there were "news reports, speculation, rumor, gossip, innuendo."

"It was relentless!"

So then on Monday, June 26, Keith Olberman has a story about her leaving with the definite date of departure. I guess no one knew that except the executives and herself. Sounds like a leak to me, Star!

"So you're saying someone leaked it," says Larry.

"Absolutely. There's no question that was done," says Star. Damn. I didn't think she had the cajones to say that. I thought she would do the whole 'shrug it off but imply' act. Of course, if there's anything Star has in spades it's cajones. I should never underestimate Ms. Jones.

So Tuesday she woke up and it was even more prevalent in the media. She realized it was turning into a "circus atmosphere". As opposed to what's happening now.

Oh here we go - "the viewers deserved the truth."

So Larry said that Barbara planned this whole retrospective on Thursday as a tribute to her. Is that true?

Star says she never agreed to any of that. She agreed that she would make the announcement and leave on Thursday. She specifically said she didn't want any tribute because she didn't feel that way after being told her contract was removed.

I think it had more to do with not wanting to see the fatty footage. Or the clip of her getting beaned in the face with a football.

So Larry asks if she felt she was betrayed.

"You know, that's such a tough word," she replies. Here we go - the lawyer speak. "I look at it as a business decision." Uh-huh. Sure sure.

But then it because personal with all the media attention - and it hurt. So she decided that it was time to gain control of this sinking ship, so to speak. She of course called her pastor, on Tuesday morning, for guidance and support, they prayed, and she decided to spill the beans.

Ahh, but Larry's two steps ahead - "But didn't you tell People Magazine about this before Tuesday?"

"Yes, yes."

Hmm, who's the hypocrite now?

Well she talked to People before Tuesday for the viewers. She thought they deserved to know the truth. She said that she was gonna make the announcement that week sometime, and the viewers deserved to know the truth.

Why didn't she talk to Barbara about the People interview? Well the same reason Barbara hasn't spoken to her yet. Nah nah NAH! Okay, the claws are coming out now.

Ooh, Barbara didn't call her to tell her she was canned - someone called her agent. Larry said that Barbara said it wasn't her decision - it was ABC's decision. "Is that true?" he asks.

"Listen," she says. Uh oh. She's losing her cool - she's getting a bit heated. Mount JonesReynolds is beginning to erupt!

Her agent was called April 20th. Her agent called her managers and gay husband Al. Al then hopped on a plane and flew to Phoenix, where Star was at the time, to tell her himself. He's very sensitive, that Al.

Ooh now they show Barbara's announcement. Cue the split screen. Where's the sad clown face? No peaceful smile - her mouth is drawn into a straight line. Is that smoke I see coming out of her ears?

LOL - she says that was the first time she saw that clip. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Right.

She's sad that the platform that she helped build was used to be attacked professionally.

"You think you were attacked there?" Larry asks.

"Well," long dramatic pause, "I'll leave that to the viewers to decide." Yep, that's smoke.

Okay commercial.

Now Larry is talking about her losing weight. Barbara said that when they conducted surveys and polls about how much people hated Star Jones, part of it was because she talked about losing the 800 pounds she lost by eating smaller portions and walking on a treadmill, as if she didn't have the gastric bypass. Larry said that Barbara said that no one believed that and the crew covered for her - they knew there was some sort of surgery involved, didn't understand why she was lying about it, and couldn't understand why she insisted it was eating low-fat and lifting 5 lb weights.

She said that last time she was on the show, she said that he quoted in her book that she needed a full-scale medical intervention and doctors had to step in and save her life. So medical intervention = gastric bypass surgery. And when I say I'm a calm peaceful mother when Baby Diva is losing it because it comes natural to me, I really mean it's the copious amounts of xanax I take.

So Larry says "So where did this impression come from that you did this all by a diet?"

Well she has no idea. She says she always said it was a medical intervention.

"That means surgery, right?" Larry asks.

"What else could it mean?" she replies.

Phew! Man. That was painful. It felt like someone just stapled MY stomach - without anesthesia.

"So what did Barbara mean about the crew covering for you?"

"Here's the thing..." Star begins. Oh, man - not the thing. Private things have gone on for nine years, "with our children and our husbands, with our own personal health, and each one of us respected each other's privacy."

So Larry goes, "But they said they did respect your privacy. They covered for you..."

"But you know what? I didn't ask them to," Star replies.

So THERE!

"Are you very hurt?" Larry asks.

"Gosh," the insipid smile returns, "you ask the tough questions!" Okay hold on while I vomit.

Okay back. Don't worry - I rinsed. "I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that I was hurt." Double negative, Star.

She loved the show - she loved the viewers - she's the co-host that went into the audience to talk to them.

So now they're showing Barbara's response on Tuesday. So he asks her if she should have told them about People magazine and she was all, that wasn't the forum. "She's known since April that she didn't renew my contract, this wasn't a bombshell."

Commercial.

Now for ABC's written response.

1. ABC told Barbara and Bill Geddie - the other producer - in November 2005 that they weren't renewing Star's contract.

2. The network fired Star and gave orders to Barbara but Barbara resisted.

3. ABC conducted extensive focus groups that Star had lost credibility and was damaging the show.

4. Star's wedding freebies hit papers across the country having a negative impact on the show.

5. Star sold her wedding pictures to People magazine and "The View" could not put those pictures on the show.

6. Star had a drastic weight loss and was not forthright with her audience further damaging her credibility.

[OK - I have to watch Argentina and Germany in overtime - J. Cruz is a BABE. I'll finish this in a sec....]

BACK! Germany won. Poor J. Cruz.

Okay so Star says she didn't sell the wedding pictures to People or to anyone else - she owns them. The only person who got paid was the photographer. Now about the freebies - she says "There's no question I used my celebrity as it related to making those wedding plans."

She also said she didn't get freebies for plugging products on "The View" but she did plug products in other venues that were unrelated to the show. She then refers to herself in the third person, which I HATE: "Star 100% confesses," she says with her right hand up, "used my celebrity100% and if you ask me if that was a mistake, I'm gonna tell you yes."

How convoluted is THAT?

Then she said that in 2004, out of the top 10 rated episodes of "The View" half of them had to do with her wedding.

That was because people hated that bitch and her stupid wedding so much they had to watch. The ratings don't necessarily mean people liked her.

Commercial.

Kay now view emails - Denise from Columbia, South Carolina asks if there's any truth to the rumors that Star's firing was a condition of Rosie O'Donnell joining "The View".

Great question, Denise! I was wondering the same thing.

Star says she doesn't think so - because Rosie was replacing Meredith - but it was strange in the timing - she was told April 21 - and 5 days later she was told that Rosie was gonna be the new co-host.

She says she and Ro have been friends, so she was taken aback that two weeks prior to April 21, Ro went on a public attack of Star and her family - talking about her weight - said Star claimed she lost weight thru pilates and yoga which she never said - and Ro also attacked her family in print. Star didn't call her - the last thing she wanted to do was get in a tabloid fight with someone - going tit for tat.

Uh, so why did she go to People and say she was fired? That was pretty tat to Barbara's tit.

So innocent Star was shocked by Ro's comments she didn't even have time to respond to it because that same week Ro made her vicious attacks, Barbara called her and invited her to be on The View. This all went down on the Emmys. Instead of taking this as an affront from Barbara - she decided to hold it in her heart.

She asked Barbara why Rosie went to the Emmys with them - and Barbara said "This is a business decision and wrap yourself around it."

Then she pulls out the sisterhood story. She's not getting into a catfight - women professionals should stick together. She learned from Barbara and she's a mentor - just like Johnnie Cochran was in her legal career - and she will not denigrate Ms. Walters - that's not who she is.

Commercial.

She says that when she was told in April, she was moving on - but she was specifically asked to stay until Meredith left - then she was ordered to return in July. Her contract is up in August.

She then said that she doesn't know what she said that was so horrible to People. They asked what happened, she said her contract wasn't renewed. They said how did that make her feel and she said it felt like she was fired.

What's so bad about that? Nothing, actually. What makes this a great story is the fact that she went outside the Barbara Walters protocol. They wanted control of how it went down and Star said, nuh-uh. I'm doing this my way.

Call from Palm City, Florida - who would you like see replace you and have you heard of who will replace you? She doesn't know who will be on - she wants someone who represents diversity and a professional - not an actress or comedienne.

So then Larry reads some more of the statement from ABC which said that because of her deceptions (going to People and saying she was fired without telling anyone at "The View" and because "The View" is a live show, "the network could not trust what she might say on air and it was decided that Star's services would be terminated immediately."

Snap!

She's disheartened they are reacting this way. She was told whatever she wanted to say, they would back them up. She didn't want to lie - that was not a part of her character. She was offended they asked her to lie. Her viewers deserved the truth. He says "why didn't you just get another gig in April," and she said, "I did get my own show."

She said first she was getting fired because he was dishonest to her viewers, but then she was asked to lie about why she was leaving.

Man - what a lawyer.

ABC daytime president said his only regret was this wasn't taken care of in November when her ratings were at an all-time low and then this wouldn't be connected to Rosie. She said, well the daytime president asked her to sit at his table in April so snap.

She's working on new tv projects, she's gonna work on child advocacy projects, and she's gonna continue to grow.

She's not going away quietly.

Damn it.

Bitch Battles, Take Two

2006-06-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

While Star and Barbara bitchslap each other, there is another couple that is in the throes of a major bitchfest.

Tori Spelling vs. Candy Spelling.

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, Tori and her mom haven't been speaking for some time now, for a number of reasons that I am sure date back to Tori's original nose. But now, Tori went to Us Magazine, and Candy has responded, Walters-style.

So Tori said to Us that a friend sent her a message on her Blackberry saying that her dad died. Her mom didn't even call her. I've got goosebumps - why? Cuz that's cold, that's why.

The article will be published in this week's Us, so don't worry y'all - I'll dissect that article to its bare bones so YOU don't have to!

So then Candy Spelling released a statement that is all up in Tori's grill. Read it, and then go call your mama and tell her you love her.

"We are deeply saddened that, during our time of loss and grief, we are forced to respond to the media frenzy caused by the mean-spirited and surprising comments made by Tori to the press, just two days after the passing of [Aaron Spelling]. As we try to honor his memory with love and respect, the sudden media frenzy she has created at this sensitive time is hurtful and very disturbing. Aaron's legacy deserved pure and unadulterated tribute and recognition which, sadly, has been tainted.

"Everyone deals with grief in a different way, and since Tori chose not to be here at that time, we believe she is having a harder time dealing with that loss. We understand how difficult it might have been for her to be here, and, perhaps, more difficult for her after she arrived. Aaron loved both his children with all his heart, and he understood how hard it was for her.

"We hope Aaron will be remembered with reverence and spirit for the monumental legacy he has left and not for the petty and tabloid headlines which have marred his articles of remembrance. We have mourned our great loss as a family and will continue to do so as that is what Aaron deserved."

So what she's saying is, basically, that Tori was too busy stealing someone else's Canadian husband to come visit her dying father. Looks like Tori won't be getting any more allowance.

Star Calls Barbara Names!

2006-06-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

In response to Barbara's dramatic speech yesterday, which I transcribed below, Star retaliated.

By calling her a hypocrite.

That's all you've got? Really, Star. You can do better than that.

Star will be on Larry King Live tonight. Don't worry, y'all. I'll watch it so you don't have to. Sigh, the lengths I go for you...

How Bazaar, Britney

2006-06-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Poor Britney Spears.

Jesus, folks - please, someone save her AND her baby AND her fetus in utero.

And Then There Were Three

2006-06-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry to keep you waiting - I know you all are dying to find out what happened. But Raghag had to work. And unless you want to send in donations in order for me to update all damn day long, y'all are just gonna have to wait.

So, as I promised, I watched "The View" today. It did not disappoint. Since I'm too much of a luddite to figure out how to transfer from DVR to YouTube, let me fill you in:

The drama begins at the opening credits. They have these punchy graphics and music to get the show started, and then one by one, a picture appears of each host with their names. A little bit ago, there were 5 pics: Meredith Vieira, Star Jones, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and Elizabeth Survivor. Well, Meredith ditched them for a cushier gig on the "Today Show".

So yesterday there were 4 pics: Star Jones, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and Elizabeth Survivor. Then Star decided that she was gonna announce she was leaving without telling anyone. According to a radio interview she did with Ryan "I'm Not Gay" Seacrest, Joy and Elizabeth had no idea she was canned. Man, you would think with all the estrogen around there it would be impossible for a secret to be kept. She then went to People and said she was basically fired. This is all without Barbara Walters' permission, mind you.

What did I say about crossing Barbara? Well, hell indeed hath no fury.

Today - the opening credits only had 3 pics: Joy, Survivor and Barbara.

The graphics team must have been up allllll night editing her out.

So the three of them walk out and do their smiling and waving like it's a normal day, but then they sit, and there's a bit of an awkard silence.

"And then there were three," says Barbara.

"And then there were three," parrots Joy, most likely thinking 'please don't fire me, please don't fire me'.

And thus, Barbara begins. My personal commentary is provided in italics. Barbara's intonations are in brackets.

"This is truthfully a difficult day for us and a sad day for us." Sure, sure.

"If you were watching The View yesterday," or surfing the Internet or reading the paper or doing anything other than living under rocks, "you would have heard Star announce that she is leaving the View and will not be on the program next fall."

"We didn't expect her to make this statement yesterday." That explains Joy's fainting spell. "She gave us no warning and [pause for effect] we were taken by surprise." i.e. this was not cleared by me.

"But the truth is that Star has known for months that ABC did not want to renew her contract and that she would not be asked back in the fall. " Take THAT Ms. Jones!

"The network made this decision based on a variety of reasons which, [pause - lowers voice] I will not go into now. " I will do so in my primetime special, "The Reasons Why I fired Star Jones."

"But we were never going to say this. We wanted to protect Star, and so we told her that she could say whatever she wanted about why she was leaving and that we would back her up." Damn! Feel pretty stupid NOW, don't ya, Star?

"We worked closely with her representatives and we gave her time to look for another job and we HOPED that she would announce it here on the program and [pause] leave with dignity. But Star made another choice. " Snap! That Barbara's cooooooold.

"And since her announcement yesterday she has made further announcements that has surprised us so it is becoming uncomfortable for us to pretend that everything is the same at this table. And therefore, regrettably, Star will no longer be on this program [pause - lowers voice] except for some shows that have been pre-recorded. So if you do see her, you'll immediately recognize that it's a repeat and you should change the channel and watch The Price is Right"".

"The View helped make Star a star." Don't mess with Barbara.

"And Star helped make The View the success that it is and we will never forget that." At least we won't until the commercial.

"We wish her well in this new chapter in her life, as we begin a new chapter on The View." Sure, sure.

"And when we come back we will do what we do best, or worst, Hot Topics." [Big smile]

Then Joy pipes in, "Yes we will. We'll be back." Please don't fire me Barbara. I'll fix you your coffee. I'll buff your callouses. Please please don't fire me.

Applause - cut to commercial.

And there you have it. Like Star never happened.

It was awesome.

Star's Announcement on YouTube

2006-06-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

So someone TiVoed The View on Tuesday when Star said she ain't coming back next season. Then they put it on YouTube.

Note, at the end, when everyone starts clapping, Barbara's cold, judgemental hands.

Star Asked NOT To Return!!!

2006-06-28T00:13:00.000-07:00

Dude. Mr. Diva called it last night.

We were sitting here, discussing Star Jones Reynolds, like we always do on Tuesday nights. And Mr. Diva goes, "I bet she won't be allowed on the premises tomorrow." And I was all, "Dude. I should TiVo it."

Then, not an hour later, Mr. Diva reads this in PerezHilton.

Don't worry, dear readers, the TiVo is SET. I'll give ya the play by play.

Man, Kathy Griffin could have told Star - You DON'T mess with Barbara. (Trust me - rent it. Not just for the Barbara story, which is hi-lar-ious, but her story about Brooke Sheild's wedding - well, just don't drink anything while you watch it, because if you do, you'll get a noseful of beverage, my friend.)

Fallen Star

2006-06-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

Star Jones was fired from The View.

It couldn't have happened to a nastier bitch.

Remember yesterday, how I was all bummed up after learning Frasier's dog died? Well, my reaction to Star's pink slip is the exact opposite of that. It's made my day.

Ah, to revel in the misfortune of miserable people! It feels like a warm cozy sweater on a cold blustery day.

Schadenfreude, mf.

Appetite for Incarceration

2006-06-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

Axl Rose was arrested in Stockholm for fighting like a girl.

He bit the leg of a security guard.

Man, first he gets into a bitchslap fight with designer Tommy Hilfiger. Now he's biting security guards.

Next thing you know, he'll be scratching his hairdresser's eyes out. Which would really be an act of goodwill on society - those braids are hideous.

RagHag Cracks the Top 10!

2006-06-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Sources publishes lists of the best blogs out there on a variety of subjects.

And guess who's in the Top 10 Celebrity Couple Sources?

That's right, it's moi! Number 9, baby!

The funny thing is, I know nothing about the world that is blogging. I know I'm supposed to link out to other pages and get people to link to me - I know I could make cash if I advertise. But the way I feel about the workings of the blogging network is the same way I feel about mortgages - I have a vague idea about how they work but I couldn't focus on the details even if Ryan Phillippe had them written on his rock-hard abs. I just love to dish.

So the fact that anyone finds this at all continues to amaze me. Thank you for the recognition, Top 10 Sources, especially to Keegan O'Connor, who created the category. On my list of Top 10 Lists of Blogs, you're Number 1!

Limbaugh Detained for Possession of Uppers (of a sort)

2006-06-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

This story is so unbelievable that the posters in alt.gossip.celebrities thought it was made up by a troll.

Rush Limbaugh was detained at Palm Beach Airport (coming from the Dominican Republic) for possession of pills without a prescription.

The pills? VIAGRA.

Yep, seems that Rush has a little case of the E.D. Can't pitch the tent.

It must be really hard to be Rush. He'll probably be slapped with a stiff fine. The law is pretty inflexible, even rigid, about drugs without prescriptions. They are solid, strong and unyielding, especially with repeat offenders.

The pills had his doctors' name on the bottle instead of his, "for privacy purposes", said his attorney.

That plan worked as well as his dingle dangle.

Is that a cigar, Rush - or just wishful thinking?

Frasier's Eddie in Doggie Heaven

2006-06-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

Moose, the jack russell terrier that played Eddie on "Frasier" died.

He was 16 1/2. He had a very full life.

Man, it bums me out when dogs die. I'm wrecked for the rest of the day.

Dark, but Still Off the Mark

2006-06-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

Britney dyed her hair in an attempt to look less trashy.

Poor thing.

Tori Speaks about her Dad

2006-06-25T08:05:00.000-07:00

Here's Tori Spelling's statement after the passing of her father.

Note this dig at her mom: "It's a true blessing to have had a parent that loved me unconditionally."

This should be an interesting battle for the estate. I assume Mrs. Spelling is holding the purse strings. Tori should play nice - sounds like she'll need all those millions for therapy.

The Australian Wedding of the Year!

2006-06-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were true to their word - they got married on Sunday.

Now THIS is what a celebrity bride should look like. So old Hollywood, so new glamorous.

Mazel Tov!

Cameron and Justin: Breakup or Wedded Up?

2006-06-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Mama Diva last night about Cameron and Justin's breakup report in Perez and I pointed out that nothing's been confirmed and that they could be lying to the press because they are actually getting married this weekend.

If my reverse papa-psychology is correct, well, pretty sneaky, Cam.......

Dead Rich Men

2006-06-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

Aaron Spelling died today.

He had a stroke over the weekend and was back at home when he passed away at the age of 83.

According to one of my rags, Tori saw him the week before he had the stroke, after 9 months of not seeing him due to a rift between her and her mother. Her mother was supposedly in Vegas for the weekend with another man, so Tori went to visit her dad. I'm glad she got that last visit in - she would have felt like a Shiloh Pitt if she hadn't.

Also, Anna Nicole Smith's stepson, 67 year old E. Pierce Marshall died earlier this week. He's the one suing her for his father's fortune.

Too bad that estate tax cut didn't go into effect yet.

Justin and Cameron Over?

2006-06-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Perez says they are. Sometimes he's wrong. But often - he's not.

He also says that Justin is already dating someone - the daughter of the Ronco guy. Swear to god. That's just random enough to be true.

Britney is gonna be all OVER this.

Reese Accuses Star of (Gasp) Lying!

2006-06-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

Reese Witherspoon is suing Star magazine for publishing lies, untruths, and fibs. They said she was knocked up. She says, uh, no.

I've always wondered why celebrities haven't sued the rags when stories were run full of actual non-truths. I guessed that the rags would claim 1st amendment blah blah blah. But if they report something as fact that is, in fact, not true - well, that seems like a law, or whatever, is being like, broken.

Back in the 80's there were tons of lawsuits against the National Enquirer. But since the tabs turned glossy, it seems that the lawsuits have all but stopped.

Good for Reese for taking a stand. But it sort of will make my job here harder. Ah well - I'm all for supporting my sister here. I like people who draw lines in sand.

Pics of Reese Looking Not Very Pregnant

2006-06-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

Us has these pics on their website - they were taken on June 17th.

Not looking knocked up, like some of the rags were saying.

Hell, if she is pregnant, I'd totally swap my non-pregnant bod with her any day.

She's had a bunch of pics taken recently while wearing loose, empire-waisted clothing. Very deceiving. So now the rags will pick up the Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Phillippe where they left off - on the brink of divorce.

Dude Ryan Phillippe scares me. He's truly frightening. I see a temper underneath those good looks.

Nice abs, tho.

Heidi's Having Another Seal

2006-06-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

Heidi Klum is such a fan of her first baby Seal, she decided to have another one.

Man these two don't waste any time, do they? Taking a page out of Britney's book - that is, if Britney were literate enough to write one. And after watching Dateline last week, it's clear that she is not.

I intended to write an Open Letter to Ms. Spears about all that was wrong with that interview, but the task proved to be too daunting. True story. I mean, I have a LIFE, people. It would have taken DAYS!

Angelina Farrow

2006-06-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

Here's a shocker - Angelina Jolie's gonna adopt another baby.

I just hope, 20 years from now, we don't hear about Brad moving in with Zahara, getting married and having their own children.

What a cute couple they make!

WOW - Getting Married BEFORE Baby Comes

2006-06-19T13:39:00.000-07:00

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are getting married down under.

This is newsworthy for two reasons - one, they officially announced the wedding before it occurred, which never happens in Celebrityland anymore, and two, Nicole is getting married before she has the baby she's obviously carrying.

Traditional is the new Progressive!

People (Basically) Calls Lindsay a Slut

2006-06-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

The only interesting thing in this week's magazines was in People magazine - this week's feature was Hot Bachelors (with American Idol Taylor Hicks on the cover - someone please explain THAT to me) and they have a one-pager called "Men of Lindsay Lohan"

"She's just 19," it reads, "but she's made an impression on these guys,"

And there there are 20 photographs of all the guys she's hooked up with.

20.

To the left of these photographs is a big pic of Lindsay looking like the maneater she is with a quote: "I've become like the guy in relationships."

If by "guy" she means "whore", then she's got a point.

But if I were being sisterly, I would say that if Lindsay was a guy who had banged 20 girls at age 19, it certainly wouldn't be getting a page in People talking about it.

So progressive feminist or Hollywood slut - you decide!

Does Jordan Catalano Have "Imagination"?

2006-06-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

Jessica Simpson revealed to the exalted periodical, Maxim, that she likes her man to have "a great imagination." In fact, a guy with a great imagination sends her "through the rafters."

Through the rafters? Who talks like that?

Anyway, so it looks like that Jared Leto has a great imagination, cuz she was all over him at Double Seven in NYC. Jared Leto used to be a babe on "My So-Called Life". He has since turned extremely freakly, as the above picture depicts.

But he used to be sooooo hot.

He's the singer in the band no one's heard of, 30 Seconds to Mars, and he's going to play John Lennon killer Mark David Chapman in the upcoming "Chapter 27".

He's also been linked to Lindsay Lohan, but come on - who hasn't?

Oh, Jordan. Aging is a bitch.

I wonder if he was creeped out when he realized that Jessica had her eyes open when they were kissy kissy kissing:

"I love to kiss with my eyes open, because I can take in the entire situation and know if I'm enjoying it or not."

Seriously, who talks like this?

Doesn't Nic Look Preggers Here?

2006-06-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

She looks really cute, either way. She's been looking way too sickly and pale lately. But I swear that's a little bump.

Raghag Roundup: The Manny Diaries

2006-06-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

So to make up for the fact that they didn't have pics of the chosen one, Shiloh Pitt, the other magazines had in-depth analysis of Perry Taylor - Britney's new male nanny, or "manny".

He's kinda hot, in a "I don't smell or wear jeans eight sizes too big so my boxers show" sort of way. He's a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy and is a lacrosse player. He's been seen pushing Sean P's stroller, getting groceries and flowers for Brit, and even changes diapers.

Now if Britney was smart, she would dump that loser backup dancer husband of hers and quietly set up shop with this guy. But, as we have seen time and time again, Britney Spears is NOT smart.

No she isn't. Instead of dumping K-Fed and salvaging her popularity and reputation, she instead decided to go on the Today Show and say that her marriage is "awesome."

Matt Lauer went to her house to interview her - the footage will be aired on Thursday - and she used that opportunity to confirm what everyone has either been thinking or saying about her - she's an idiot.

About her relationship with K-Fed: "He helps me. He has to. I'm an emotional wreck right now."

About driving with Baby Sean P. on her lap: "I did it with my dad. I'd sit on his lap and I drive. We're country."

About all the attention on her questionable parenting skills: "I know I'm a good mom."

Please, someone, get her some PR people.

Raising Estrogen Levels on L&O

2006-06-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

I received an email from a dear friend and avid RagHag devotee, asking me to find out the skinny on the Law & Order casting changes for its seventeenth season.

Dude, seventeen seasons. Holy crap, that's a lot of murders.

Dennis Farina - Detective Joe Fontana - will not be returning for a third season. And this isn't really a spoiler, but Annie Parisse isn't returning next season either because her character, Assistant D.A. Alexandra Borgia, was found dead in the trunk of a car after choking on her own vomit. Milena Govich, a 29-year-old actress who was on another Dick Wolf show, Conviction, is joining the cast.

But the question is: Is Govich replacing Parisse, which would be boring and typical cuz they get a new hottie for that role every season, OR is she replacing Farina, which would actually be exciting because in the 17 years this show has been on, there has never been a female detective. We've had S. Epatha Merkerson as Lieutenant Anita Van Buren representing us females, but it would be interesting to see hot Jesse Martin working side-by-side with a woman.

Well, from what I can tell, Milena WILL be replacing Farina as the next detective. I mean, it's even in Wikipedia. There's a good write-up about the changes on Newsvine. And some more traditional news sources talk about it as well. So I think it's probably good information.

There ya go, Mrs. P. I hope this answered your questions.

If y'all have any questions about anything relating to celebrity and media - send them my way!

Dirty One-Legged Bird!

2006-06-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

Before Heather Mills soon to be ex-McCartney lost her leg, she was a little vixen.

Yep, turns out like those trailblazers before her - Madonna, Anna Nicole Smith, and yes, Pamela Anderson - Heather Mills has some naughty nekkid pictures out there. AND, her male counterpart in the pics says they had lots of sex off-camera, and he's gonna write a book.

Hmmm..... I wonder why that marriage with Paul didn't work out?

(Thanks for scouring those British tabs for me Mr. Diva!)

SHILOH!

2006-06-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

Here she is.

Pretty cute. All C-Section babies are pretty cute, actually. And I don't just say that because Baby Diva was ripped from my insides. Their heads are nice and round.

But like NG said to me earlier today, she looks teeeeeeeny. But, she pointed out, it could be because Brad has such big hands.

Big Hands, Big Mittens!!!

Update: I'm taking the pic down. Hello! and People are all up in arms about the pic being out there in cyberspace. W.E. The cat's out of THAT bag.

RagHag is Back!

2006-06-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I have returned from vaca, sick as a proverbial dog.

I would say I was rested, but Baby Diva decided to live up to his name and threw huge hissy fits all week. It was like Zsa Zsa Gabor, Liza Minelli, Star Jones and Whitney Houston all took over this sweet child's soul and set up Bitch Camp.

Ah, well - thanks to Five Head, Tits, Little Man T and Dixie Diva for hosting us and putting up with Mr. Temper Temper.

And now, the ROUNDUP!

RagHag Roundup: Cute Couple Alert

2006-06-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

This may have been all over the Internet last week, but pics of them were in all the rags:

Jake Gyllenhall and Natalie Portman.

Hot squared.

RagHag Roundup: Quote of the Week

2006-06-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

"My hair looked like Howie Mandel's circa St. Elsewhere, all long and lame. I also did weddings and birthdays. If there was an event with dancing and limbo, chances are, I was there."

Paul Rudd, on one of his first jobs, DJ-ing at bar mitzvahs, in Us.

(Especially for you, NG)

RagHag Roundup: Til Divorce Do Us Part

2006-06-05T20:26:00.000-07:00

This may have been a big deal last week and I missed it cuz I was out tearin it up Seattle style, but Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe are officially getting divorced.

There won't be any working it out. It's ov-ah.

Sad, really. I'd be interested in hearing the real story behind this one. But I suspect it's nothing dramatic. Just grew apart. Sigh.

RagHag Roundup: 20 Years from Now

2006-06-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

Us has a hilarious 2-page spread predicting who celebrities will look like in 20 years. I immensely enjoyed it. Here are some of the best pairings:

In 20 years....

Jessica Simpson will look like Loni Anderson.

Paris Hilton will look like Donatella Versace.

Mandy Moore will look like Diane Lane.

Dakota Fanning will look like Jodie Foster.

AND, the best for last:

Britney Spears will look like Anna Nicole Smith.

Uh, Britney already looks like Anna Nicole. And they are both preggers. They should swap maternity style tips.

Shiloh is a Namibian Name?

2006-05-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

As you already probably know, the chosen one has been born.

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt has joined us mere mortals here on Earth.

She was born via c-section (due to being breech but we think she wants to maintain her vaginal tone), weighs 7 pounds, and poops pure gold.

Gwen Stefani must be pissed, cuz she had her baby too this weekend and no one noticed. She even gave him an obnoxious pretentious name: Kingston James McGregor Rossdale. And STILL no one noticed.

Babies are popping out all over the place I can't even stand it.

Bring Britney Back from the Brink

2006-05-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

Perez Hilton has a great link to this site, www.bringbritneyback.com.

That's all I've got today, folks. That middle-aged guy won American Idol. Lost's finale made me even more confused, even though I was promised some answers. And at midnight tonight, RagHag is on vacation!

Whoo-hoo. I will have my laptop and will update when babies emerge in Africa. In the meantime, have a great extended weekend, my American readers.

And to my international followers - it's Memorial Day on Monday. Most Americans mix it up with Labor Day, which is in September. W.E. - long weekends rule.

Happy Birthday Mr. Diva!

2006-05-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

It was Mr. Diva's birthday today - so I didn't get a chance to post much.

Thank god the African Christ Child wasn't born today, though Brad Pitt released a statement and you would have thought he discovered a cure for cancer with the coverage it got.

Happy Birthday Mr. DIIIIIIIVVVA! Happy Birthday to YOOOOOOUUUUUU.

LCB.

Nicole Purges her DJ, Again

2006-05-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

There's been rumors of this breakup flying around for weeks, but since these people aren't really celebrities as much as a reality star and her gastric-bypass dj boyfriend, I simply ignored them.

I should continue ignoring them, I guess, but since Nicole Richie's bones are on display in every celebrity rag out there, and since that dj guy seems like a genuinely nice person, I'll report the demise of their union yet again.

One day, I will be able to articulate how I feel about this generation of celebrities without working myself into a fit of seizures. Until then, I'll just twitch in private.

RagHag Roundup: The Reality Behind the Most Romantic Weddings

2006-05-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

In Touch ran a story on the top 10 most romantic weddings. While I was reading it, however, I had some thoughts that were a bit contrary to the gushy article. So without further ado:

RagHag's Take on In Touch's Most Romantic Weddings

10. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Jen almost forces Brad to include, "I promise not to have sex with, run off to Africa with, and have a baby with Angelina Jolie," but then thinks - nah, he'd never do THAT. I'll just make him promise to split the difference on the thermostat.

9. Robert Downey Jr. and Susan Levin. Hmm, thought Robert, when I get married, how do I show the world that I'm off drugs? I know, I'll wear a lavender shirt, a purple satin tie, lavender tennis shoes, and a purple polka-dotted scarf around my neck!

8. Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani. In Touch says making your guests AND groom wait for an hour before walking down the aisle is romantic. I say it's just bad etiquette. She was probably getting her roots touched up.

7. Celine Dion and Rene Angelil. Celine's headdress had 2,000 crystals on it and weighed 7 pounds. She had 532 guests and wore a 20-foot veil. She wore a hand-sewn French gown. And she still looked homely.

6. Julia Roberts and Danny Moder. Pretty Woman got married at midnight wearing a cotton halter dress on her ranch in New Mexico. Wedding favors: peyote and monogrammed water bongs.

5. Jason Priestly and Naomi Lowde. Obviously placed on list in error. Was supposed to be included in the "washed-up Aaron Spelling celebrities wedding photos" section.

4. Russell Crowe and Danielle Spencer. Russell and his band, 30 Odd Feet of Grunts, performed three songs that he wrote specifically for his bride at their reception. Now if THAT's not romance, I don't know what is.

3. Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner. How can I show my new bride that I love her while on our honeymoon, Kevin thought. I've got it! I'll pleasure myself in front of my masseuse.

2. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Honey, I've got a totally awesome idea. After we're married, we'll have cameras inside our house 24 hours a day to document our first year of marriage. It will, like, totally strengthen our marital bond.

1. Donald Trump and Melania Knauss. You know what they say - 3rd time's a charm.

RagHag Roundup: Star Out, Gayle In?

2006-05-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

You know how Star Jones was reportedly booted from The View? Well, Star Magazine is saying that Gayle King is gonna take her place.

Who's Gayle King? Uh, only Oprah's BFF.

Man it would be nice for her to get a job from someone other than Harpo Productions.

RagHag Roundup: Sharon Stone Embarrasses Herself...

2006-05-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

... again.

So In Touch says Sharon Stone was at Prince's house for a party. She was having a great ol' time and decided it would be a good idea to dance on Prince's pink and purple sofa. With stiletto heels on.

Well, Prince's minions didn't like it, and yelled at her to stop while shining a bright light in her face. She was so shamed that she left.

God, I hate it when I dance on Prince's pink and purple sofa with my stilettos on. So humiliating. I totally feel your pain, Sharon.

RagHag Roundup: Baby a la Mode

2006-05-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

This is not shocking or surprising in any way shape or form. Which makes it even funnier.

In Touch reports that Anna Nicole Smith has already picked out a name for her baby if it's a girl: Cherri Pie.

I'll just leave it there.

Britney Almost Drops Baby Sean P.

2006-05-18T18:11:00.000-07:00

Dude, I am not making this up.

TMZ.com has a photo slideshow of the entire incident.

Notice how her drink is intact. Doesn't spill a drop.

For the love of Jesus himself, please please please help Baby Sean P.

I'm thinking of starting a 501c3 non-profit for him - the Save Baby Sean P. Foundation.

Write out your checks to Ms. RagHag Diva, President and Founder.

TMZ.com will have video of it on Friday at 7pm eastern time.

Anatomy of a Star Sighting

2006-05-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, May 17, time: 2:30ish pacific.

[phone rings]

"RagHag? It's Nuwanda Girl," (Those ARE our given names, you know.) "I am standing about 20 feet away from Hugh Grant."

[squeals and laughter]

"No WAY!" I replied.

"Yes WAY! But I have to keep my voice down, I'm trying to keep cool. He's filming a scene for his movie in the park (aka Central Park). "

"Oh I read about that movie. Do you see Drew Barrymore?"

"Hold on a sec, let me get around this thi... YES, there's Drew Barrymore."

[more squeals and laughter]

"Oh wait..." The disappointment in Nuwanda Girl's voice is heavy. "That girl's way too fat to be Drew Barrymore. It must be her stand-in."

"Awwwwww."

[pause to take in new information]

"So," I said, "This is your third celebrity sighting of the day!" I received an earlier email from N.G. stating she saw Isabella Rossellini:

Dude, I saw Isabella Rossellini in the park this morning. She was
walking her dog, looking totally UN-GLAM and pretty old, but not a hag like
Farrah Fawcett.

(This first star sighting did not warrant a phone call.)

"Well, two and a half. WAIT!" NG exclaimed. "It IS Drew Barrymore!!!"

"WHAT??"

[silence]

"Man, she's fatter that I thought she would be."

"Yeah."

[SCENE]

Nicole's Allowed To Speak

2006-05-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

Now that baby Suri has been born and MI-3 has been released, Nicole Kidman is allowed to break her silence and confirm her engagement to country musician Keith Urban.

Dude I am telling you Tom Cruise most likely made her sign something ordering her to keep quiet about her news until after his media blitz ended. I totally would not put it past that freak.

What is it about Nicole and short guys, eh? Is she just freakishly tall? Cuz it looks like she'll have to put all those high heels she bought after the Tom Cruise breakup on eBay.

Paul Renews Lonely Hearts Club Membership

2006-05-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

Good news, Mama Diva! The rumors we talked about the other day are indeed true - Paul McCartney and wife Heather Mills are splitting!

Now's your chance to make that move. You've waited long enough. He's 63 now - you can get with him and be his new woman when he's 64.

Hee hee.

Yeah, so Mama Diva asked me about this a few days ago - Heather was staying at one of their kazillion houses without Paul. They said it was cuz she was getting fitted for a new prostetic (that old line again) but turns out there was trouble and they needed help.

So that's it. She's leaving home. Paul will get through this, with a little help from his friends. And who knows, maybe they will come together and they can work it out.

(Hey, just be grateful I went with the song titles instead of the one-legged jokes. Cuz I've got a ton of those, too.)

Somebody Please SAVE SEAN PRESTON

2006-05-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

There are so many things wrong with this picture, I don't even know where to begin. As I am the proud mother of Baby Diva, who is about 9 months older than Sean P., I declare myself an offical expert.

1. Baby Sean P. is facing forward. All new carseats declare all over the directions that babies are supposed to be in rear-facing carseats until they are 20 lbs. AND a year old. AND - not OR. So even if Baby Sean P. is over 20 lbs. at 8 months, he still should be in a rear-facing carseat for four more months. Why? Cuz if she gets into a wreck, he'll totally be thrusted forward, and as you can see, his neck muscles are not strong enough to sustain such injury. Which brings me to...

2. His neck. Yes, when babies sleep in their carseats, they tend to flop over. But this is insanity. First, if he was in a rear-facing carseat, this wouldn't be an issue, because the seat would be tilted in such a way that it wouldn't flop over like that. Second, babies with weak neck muscles are supposed to have a head cradling pillow around the head so flopping doesn't occur. He may be too big for the cradles that are out there - they are usually meant for newborns. But what we did for Baby Diva was take some swaddling blankets, rolled them up, and surrounded his head with them. Of course, he was in a rear-facing carseat.

3. Baby Sean P.'s right shoulder is clearly not strapped in securly. See how it's flopped forward? That's not right. It's hard to say if he's even strapped in at all - but assuming he is, the straps have clearly not been tightened enough. Both shoulders have to be secured to the seat. If she got in a wreck, he'd be airborne faster than her career is going down the shitter.

4. Who in their right mind would put a 8 month old baby in a front-facing carseat in a convertible? There are so many things wrong with this. One, if she got in a wreck, the kid would definitely be roadkill. Second, the sun exposure could burn that delicate soft baby skin to a crispy bacon consistency. He needs a hat, long-sleeves, sunscreen. Third, babies don't like wind blowing in their faces. It makes them lose their breath - difficult to breathe that way. We still don't put Baby Diva's window down, but that's because he'd probably lose it on us and scream like a monkey being attacked by a sloth bear. Regardless, convertibles + babies = bad fucking idea.

5. Curlers???????

Here's the thing that really gets me - sure, people make parenting mistakes all the time. Most of them don't lead to major injury, or that's all we'd be hearing about on the local news. But Britwit already has two strikes against her: Strike One - driving with Baby Sean P. on her lap; Strike Two - Baby Sean P.'s nosedive out of the highchair. This is definitely Strike Three. Too bad parenting doesn't follow the rules of baseball. But here's the difference between Briwit and the rest of the awful parents out there - the awful parents aren't being photographed every second of their lives. She must KNOW she's scrutinized. Shouldn't she go out of her way to do everything correct, so people like me will be forced to make fun of OTHER stupid celebrities?

She should shape up, or stay behind locked doors. It's a win-win, really.

Try Surviving the Clink, Richard

2006-05-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

Richard Hatch, the naked winner of the first season of "Survivor", has been sent to the other island - Riker's Island.

Okay, he's probably not going to Riker's, but he is definitely going to the slammer.

51 moths for for tax evasion on - get this - his winnings from "Survivor". His defense was basically stupidity - 'But I didn't know I had to pay taxes on that!' The judge didn't buy it - and gave him the harsh sentence because it was clear he was lying on the stand.

A little advice, Richard. Going naked on the island may have made your castmates uncomfortable but I have a feeling it won't throw off any of your fellow cellmates. I would stay as clothed as possible.

Cheaters Never Win

2006-05-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

Awwww.... "Joey" was cancelled.

Guess you shouldn't have slept with your co-star when you were married and had a sick baby at home. That's too bad.

It's called karma. Go ask Earl about it. You know Earl - the one who's show was NOT cancelled on your network.

Thanks to Mot for the linkage!

RagHag Roundup: Runaway Bride 2

2006-05-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

I thought I would try a new format for the RagHag Roundup.

Most of the crap in these magazines is publicist-generated bullshit. So I thought I would report on those choice golden nuggets that interest me - the pieces of information I actually remembered after closing the rag and casting it aside in the pile with the rest of them. So let's try this and see how it goes, kay? Kay.

So People snuck in a little gem of a story in their Passages section, my favorite section of the magazine, by the by. Jennifer Wilbanks - the Runaway Bride who faked her own kidnapping to get out of her over-the-top wedding - called it quits AGAIN. Remember when she returned and her fiance, John Mason, was all 'I still love her and I forgive her and God forgives her and we're gonna still get married'? Well, it ain't happening.

It's too bad - I had such high hopes for this couple. Now they REALLY have to return all those gifts.

Raghag Roundup: Fat... or Fat like a Fox?

2006-05-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

Star's cover story is "Weight Winners and Losers", and featured prominently is Janet Jackson.

There have been pics of Janet looking pretty hefty. Now she has a new album out, and she's fit and fabulous.

But I was thinking... was she ever really fat? In all the Fat Janet pictures, she's wearing huge baggy sweatshirts, sweatpants, and sometimes even leggings under that.

I know Janet's had weight issues in the past, but how crafty would it be to go out looking heavier than she really is, and then, right before her album release, she slim and sexy.

Janet is a first-rate media manipulator. Remember Nipplegate? How that was a "wardrobe malfunction"? But if it was really staged, wouldn't we have seen just a regular ol' nipple - and not that huge sun nipple shield. I mean, I highly doubt she wears that on a daily basis cuz that thing looks painful, not to mention the snags it would create in her sweaters. She's rises way above the average celebrity stunt. She does things that seem really unintentional, making us all talk about it, right before her album is released.

So, is her miraculous weight loss really a case of Scalegate? You decide...

RagHag Roundup: Bad Do's Prohibited

2006-05-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

Star and In Touch both report that Rosie O'Donnell, as part of her contract to co-host The View, is not allowed to get her hair cut without prior approval.

I totally saw the episode of The Isaac Mizrahi Show where she got that asymmetrical 1988 haircut. It brought back really bad high school memories. Not only was my hair asymmectrical, but it was frosted. Oh man, was I hot!

Anyway, this is actually pretty standard stuff and they go on to say that everyone needs Barbara Walters' approval. Okay, so I'm not sure if it's actually Barbara giving the folicle thumbs up. But I can just see that conversation so clearly....

RagHag Roundup: Weird Pairing of the Week

2006-05-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

Us reports in its "Hot Stuff" section that Katie Couric is dating musician/songwriter/producer David Foster.

Oh, I forgot to include in his list of titles - Bad Reality-Show Star.

David Foster's family was featured in the hideous short-lived "The Princes of Malibu". He married Linda Thompson in 1991. Linda Thompson was married to Bruce Jenner and had two kids, Brody and Brandon Jenner. These two spoiled entitled asses were the princes of Malibu. The show got cancelled, and Linda filed for divorce.

So now he's dating the future CBS Nightly News anchor. Mazel Tov, kids. Have a good time.

Examination of Earlier Stories, per Mama Diva's Request

2006-05-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I wasn't feeling too hot, but really there's nothing gossipy going on. I mean, if Angelina had her Namibian Pitt yesterday, you know I'd be all over that like a Buddhist Sanskrit tattoo on a left shoulder blade.

So since there's not a hell of a lot to report, and since Mother's Day is on Sunday, I thought I'd discuss a few things Mama Diva asked about. I LOVE The Mama Diva. Happy Mom's Day!

Katie Holmes' Prenup

London's Daily Mail ran a story this past weekend saying Katie's prenup entitles her to a cool $40 million should they fairytale end. Sounds like a good deal, right? Well, get this - the zombie gets $15 million even if they don't get married at all. Have you ever heard of someone getting a buttload of cash even if she pulls a Jennifer Wilbanks and ditches him at the altar (wink wink nod nod nudge nudge Katie)? Sounds like she's getting paid for having his kid, doesn't it? You know what? For $15 million I'd totally have a kid for Tom Cruise. I think Katie is crazy - crazy like a fox, don't you? I just may have to call her "Kate" from now on. Not because Tom Cruise wants me to (I love that he keeps telling the media to call her "Kate" and they keep calling her "Katie", by the way), but because girlfriend is a STEPFORD GENIUS!

Star Jones' Future On "The View"

Looks like Star's getting canned. Page Six says it was a condition of Rosie O'Donnell's hiring. AWESOME. Man do I hate Star Jones. I'm sure I said this before, but you know how people say, "She'd be such a pretty girl, if she just lost that darn weight!"? Well, turns out Star wasn't so pretty. She was way prettier when she was an extra-large woman. Everything about her makes me want to vomit - her product-placement, over the top wedding, her honeymoon in Dubai, her obviously gay husband, her 'I won't admit I had gastric bypass but I'll fess up to a boob job' mentality. I know we Divas are supposed to stick together, but Girlfriend gives Divas a bad rap. 10 bucks says she does a reality show with husband Gay Al.

Ashlee's Nose

Ashlee Simpson's huge-ass nose looks, well, less huge-ass. She ain't talking, but a picture of a less huge-ass nose is worth a thousand words.

Here's a side-by-side comparison.

Here's a pic of the old schnozz.

And, here's a pick of the new schnozz.

Have that Baby One More Time

2006-05-09T18:05:00.000-07:00

Well, the Mother of the Year has confirmed that she is bringing yet another Federline into the world.

I'm not really sure if there's anything else to say. I mean, a highchair or carseat joke is too easy, too obvious. Maybe I'll say this: as far as the KFed sperm is concerned - survival of the fittest doesn't necessarily make it the smartest.

Let's see - Baby #1 was born last September. Baby #2 is due in October.

There's just so much wrong with whole thing. I need to go make myself a drink.